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CIHM/ICMH 

Microfiche 

Series. 


CiHIVI/iCIVIH 
Collection  de 
microficlies. 


Canadian  inatituta  for  Hiatorieal  Microraproductiona  /  Inatitut  Canadian  da  microraproductloha  hiatoriqiiaa 


Tachnieal  and  Biblioaraphio  Not«t/NotM  tachniquM  at  bibiiographiquaa 


Tha  Inatituta  haa  attamptad  to  obtain  the  baat 
original  copy  avallabia  for  filnning.  Faaturaa  of  thia 
copy  which  may  ba  bibliographlcally  uniqua. 
which  may  altar  any  of  tha  imagaa  in  tha 
raproductlon,  or  which  may  aignif  icantly  changa 
tha  uaual  mathod  of  filming,  ara  chacicad  balow. 


D 


D 
D 


D 


Colourad  covara/ 
Couvartura  da  coulaur 


F~|   Covara  damagad/ 


Couvartura  andommagAa 

Covara  raatorad  and/or  laminatad/ 
Couvartura  raatauria  at/ou  paliiculte 

Covar  titia  miaaing/ 

La  titra  da  couvartura  manqua 

Colourad  mapa/ 

Cartaa  gtegraphiquaa  an  coL:\4ur 

Colourad  inic  (i.a.  othar  than  blua  or  black)/ 
Encra  da  coulaur  (i.a.  autra  qua  blaua  ou  noira) 

Colourad  plataa  and/or  illuatnstlona/ 
Planchaa  at/ou  illuatrationa  an  coulaur 


D 


Bound  with  othar  matarial/ 
RalM  avac  d'autraa  documanta 

Tight  bindi.ng  may  eauaa  alwdowa  or  diatortion 
along  intarior  margin/ 

Laraliura  aarrAa  paut  cauaar  da  i'onr^bra  ou  da  la 
diatortion  la  long  da  la  marga  IntAKaura 

Blanic  laavaa  addad  during  raatoration  may 
appaar  within  tha  taxt.  Whanavar  poaaibia,  thaaa 
hava  baan  omittad  from  filming/ 
II  aa  paut  qua  cartainaa  pagaa  blanchaa  ajoutAaa 
lora  d'una  raatauration  apparaiaaant  dana  la  taxta, 
mala,  lorsqua  cala  Atait  poaaibia,  caa  pagaa  n'ont 
paa  «t«  f  ilm«aa. 

Addtional  commanta:/ 
Comntantairaa  auppMmantairaa: 


L'Inatitut  a  microfilm*  la  maillaur  axamplaira 
qu'il  lui  a  4t4  poaaibia  da  aa  procurer.  Laa  dAtalla 
da  cat  axamplaira  qui  aont  paut-Atra  uniquaa  du 
point  da  vua  bibilographiqua,  qui  pauvant  modlfiar 
una  imaga  raprodulta,  ou  qui  pauvant  axigar  una 
modification  dana  la  m4thoda  normala  da  f ilmaga 
aont  indiqu4a  ci-daaaoua. 


Th 
to 


D 
D 
D 
0 
D 
0 
D 
D 
D 
D 


Colourad  pagaa/ 
Pagaa  da  coulaur 

Pagaa  damagad/ 
Pagaa  andommagiaa 

Pagaa  raatorad  and/or  laminatad/ 
Pagaa  raataurAaa  at/ou  pallicuMaa 

Pagaa  diacolourad,  atainad  or  foxad/ 
Pagaa  dicoiorAaa,  tachatAaa  ou  piquAaa 

Pagaa  dataehad/ 
Pagaa  d4tachtoa 

Showthrough/ 
Tranaparanca 

Quality  of  print  variaa/ 
Quality  inigaia  da  I'impraaaion 

Includaa  aupplamantary  matarial/ 
Comprand  du  material  auppWmantaira 

Only  adition  avallabia/ 
Saula  MMon  dlaponlUa 

Pagaa  wholly  or  partially  obacurad  by  arrata 
alipa,  tiaauaa,  ate.,  hava  baan  rafilmad  to 
anaura  tha  baat  poealMa  imaga/ 
Laa  pagaa  totalamant  ou  partiallamant 
obaeurciaa  par  un  faulHat  d'arrata,  una  palura, 
ate.,  ont  *t*  fHmAaa  A  nouvaau  da  fa^on  A 
obtanir  la  maillaura  imaga  poaaibia. 


Th 
po 
of 
fill 


Or 
ba 
th( 
ale 
oti 
fin 
ale 
or 


Th 
ahi 
Tr 
wt 


dif 
en 
be 
rig 
re« 
mi 


Thia  item  ie  filmed  at  tha  reduction  ratio  chaclced  below/ 

Ce  document  eet  filmA  eu  taux  da  rAduction  indiquA  ci^laeeoue. 

10X  14X  18X  22X 


aix 


aox 


X 


12X 


itx 


20X 


MX 


32X 


TIm  copy  fllm«d  h«r«  has  b««n  r«produc«d  thanks 
to  tlM  gaiMToslty  of: 

Ubrory  of  tho  Public 
Arohivoa  of  Canada 


L'axamplaira  fllmA  f  ut  raproduit  grica  i  la 
04n«roaltida: 

La  bIbllothAqua  das  Aichlvas 
publiquwi  du  Csnsda 


Tha  Imagas  appaaring  hara  ara  tha  baat  quality 
poaalbia  oonsMarlng  tha  condition  and  laglbillty 
of  tha  original  copy  and  In  kaaplng  with  tha 
fHmlng  contract  spacif Icationa. 


Original  coplaa  in  printad  papar  eovara  ara  fllmad 
baginning  with  tha  front  covar  and  anding  on 
tha  iaat  paga  with  a  printad  or  lllustratad  impraa- 
sion,  or  tha  back  covar  whan  appropriata.  All 
othar  original  coplaa  ara  fllmad  baginning  on  tha 
first  paga  with  a  printad  or  llluatratad  Impraa- 
sion,  and  anding  on  tha  iaat  paga  with  a  printad 
or  iiiuatrotad  Impraaslon. 


Tha  iaat  racordad  frama  on  aach  microficha 
shall  contain  tha  symbol  -^  (moaning  "CON- 
TI'MUED"h  or  tha  symbol  V  (ntoaning  "END"), 
whichavar  applias. 

Maps,  piatas.  charts,  ate,  may  ba  fllmad  at 
diffarant  raductlon  ratloa.  Thoaa  too  iarga  to  ba 
antlraly  inchidad  In  ona  axpoaura  ara  fllmad 
baginning  In  tha  uppar  laft  hand  eomar,  laft  to 
right  and  top  to  bottom,  aa  many  framaa  as 
raqulrad.  Tha  foltowing  diagrama  illustrata  tha 
mathod: 


Laa  imagaa  suhrantaa  ont  it*  raproduitas  avac  la 
plua  grand  aoin,  eompta  tanu  da  la  condition  at 
da  la  nattati  da  l'axamplaira  fiimi,  at  an 
conformity  avac  las  conditions  du  contrat  da 
filmaga. 

Laa  axamplalras  origlnaux  dont  la  couvartura  an 
paplar  aat  imprimia  sont  flimis  an  commsnpant 
par  la  pramlar  plat  at  an  tarminant  soit  par  la 
darnMra  paga  qui  comporta  una  amprainta 
d'impraaaion  ou  d'illustration,  soit  par  la  sscond 
plat,  salon  la  cas.  Tous  las  autras  axamplalras 
origlnaux  sont  fiimto  an  commandant  par  la 
pramlAra  paga  qui  comporta  una  amprainta 
d'impraaaion  ou  d'illustration  at  an  tarminant  par 
la  damlAra  paga  qui  comporta  una  taiia 
amprainta. 

Un  dat  symbdas  suivants  apparattra  sur  la 
darnMra  imaga  da  chaqua  microficha.  salon  la 
caa:  la  symbda  — ►  signlfia  "A  SUIVRE".  la 
symbols  ▼  signifla  "FIN". 

Las  cartas,  planchas,  tablaaux,  ate,  pauvant  Atra 
fiimAs  A  daa  taux  da  reduction  diffirants. 
Loraqua  la  document  ast  trop  grand  pour  Atra 
raproduit  an  un  saul  cllchA,  11  ast  filmA  A  partir 
da  I'angla  supAriaur  gaucha,  da  gaucha  A  droita, 
at  da  haut  an  baa,  an  pranant  hi  nombra 
d'imagaa  nAcassaira.  Las  diagrammas  suivants 
illuatrant  la  mAthoda. 


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PEQVOD  TRIBE. 


;      PUBLISHIED  BY  WILLIAM  APESS, 
jm»$i»nagy  <if  iftol  2VJ^  and  mOm^^^TU  Son<sf:  <At  Firnit,^ 


<.'  Oo  ▼•  therefor*  aad  teieh  •!)  MtioM,  biptisiag  them  in  Um  nun*  o< 
thf  Fathor,  and  of  the  Son,  and  of  the  Holy  O^oet}  teachiqg  tbem  to  ob- 
.    Mrr*  all  things  whataoeTcr  I  have  eonunandod  you  :  and  le,  1  am  with  jv^ 
'l   alnray,  aveu  unto  the  end  of  the  world.    Amea."— Mat.  iiriii.  19, 80. 


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Entered  according  to  act  of  Congress,  in  the  yekr  eighteen 
hundred  thirty-three,  by  William  Apes9,  in  the  Clerk's  Office  of 
the  District  of  Massachusetts, 


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It  is  not  my  intention  to  deicend  to  particulars  in  this 

pamphlet,  any  farther,  than  to  notice  the  origin  of  my  life, 

lor  the  purpose  of  giving  the  youth  a  transient  view  between 

their  condition  and  mine ;  or  those  poor  children  cf  the 

forest,  who  have  had  taken  from  them  their  once  delightful 

plains,  and  homes  of  their  peaceful  habitations ;  their  fathers 

4'  end  mothen  torn  from  their  dwellings,  and  they  left  to  mourn, 

and  drop  a  tear,  and  die,  over  the  ruins  of  their  ancient  sires. 

Perhaps  you  may  ask,  why  is  thb  ?   I  answer,  because  of 

i  deception  and  power,  assisted  with  the  fiery  waters  of  the 

earth — ^Rum.    Such,  my  young  friends,  was  the  case  of  this 

poor  self-taught  Indian  youth,  whose  experience  you  are 

"^  «bout  to  read. 

<^       My  parentage,  according  to  the  custom  of  the  country, 

was  none  of  the  least — being  the  descendant  of  a  Chief. 

But  this  availed  notbinj;  with  me ;  the  land  of  my  fathers 

was  gone  ;  and  their  characters  were  not  known^  as  human 

\'.'^.   beings;  but  as  beasts  of  prey.     We  were  represented  as 

'*'    *•  having  no  souls  to  save,  or  to  lose ;  but  as  partridges  upon 

« the  mountains.     Thus  you  see,  we  had  to  bear  all  this  tide 

of  degradation ;  while  prejudice  stung  every  white  man, 

from  the  oldest  to  the  youngest,  to  the  very  centre  of  the 

«  heart. 

It  was  thought  no  crime  for  old  and  young,  to  hiss  at  the 
poor  Indians,  who  had  met  with  great  misfortunes,  and  lost 
every  thing  they  had,  by  those  very  persons  who  despised 
them  ;  yiea,  look  which  way  they  vvould,  they  could  see  no 
*  friends,  nor  even  hear  a  pleasant  sound  from  the  lips  of  tfaf 
white.    Yea,  there  was  but  little  help  for  thdm. 


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When  you  read  this,  ask  yourselves  if  ever  you  had  such 
trials  ?  If  not,  begin  now  to  prize  your  privileges,  and  show 
pity  to  those  whose  fates  are  wretched  and  cruel.  I  shall 
now  enter  more  fully,  upon  my  experience  in  childhood. 
It  will  be  well  to  speak  to  the  point ;  I  shall  make  but  few 
remarks  here,  as  I  intend  publishing,  should  the  Lord  spare 
my  life,  a  book  of  300  pages,  Idiuo.  in  size ;  and  there,  the 
reader  will  find  partksulars  respecting  my  life. 

My  parents  were  of  the  same  disposition  of  the  Indians ; 
that  is,  to  wander  to  and  fro.     And  although  my  father  was 

Eartly  white,  yet  he  had  so  much  of  the  native  blood,  that 
e  fashioned  after  them  in  travelling  from  river  to  river,  and 
from  mountain  to  mountain,  and  plain  to  plain,  on  their 
journey. 

I  was  born  at  Colerain,  Massachusetts,  A.  D.  1798,  on 
the  30th  day  of  January.  We  lived  here  but  a  few  months, 
and  then  removed  to  Colchester,  Connecticut,  within  about 
twelve  miles  of  our  native  tribe ;  and  there  to  my  sad  mis- 
fortune,  my  father  and  mother  parted ;  I  being  at  this  time 
but  a  babe,  being  not  more  than  three  years  old,  and  I  saw 
my  mf'ther's  face  no  more  for  twenty  years.  I  was  then 
placed  with  my  grand  parents,  on  my  mother's  side ;  who, 
my  readers,  were  not  the  best  people  in  the  world  :  for  thfrj  ^ 
would  at  times  drink  New  England  Rum,  and  then  I  was^**  ^ 
neglected.  How  awful  it  is  to  have  parents  who  will  drink 
spirituous  liquors  !  and  by  that,  neglect  their  dear  little  chil- 
dren, and  leave  them  to  suffer.  You  will  see  how  much  I 
bad  to  sufier  on  the  account  of  rum. 

During  my  stay  with  the  old  folks,  our  fare  was  hard,     ^.;: 
there  being  five  children  of  us,  and  our  fare  was  about  equal  .^ 
as  to  earthly  comforts.      Sometimes  we  had  something  to  ^ 
eat,  and  at  other  times,  nothing.      Many  are  the  times  in  - 
which  we  have  gone  to  bed  supperless,  to  rest  «our  little 
weary  limbs,  stretched  upon  a  bundle  of  straw  ;  and  how 
thankful  we  were  for  this  comfort ;  and  in  the  morning  we 
were  thankful  to  get  a  cold  potato  for  our  breakfast.      We 
thought  it  good  fare.     There  was  a  white  man  who  lived 
about  a  mile  off,  and  he  would,  at  times,  bring  us  some  fro- 
zen milk,  which  for  a  time  supplied  the  calls  of  nature. 
We  suffered  thus  from  the  cold ;  the  calls  of  nature,  as  with      J 

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ftlmost  nakedness ;  and  calumojr  heaped  upon  us  by  (he 
whites  to  an  intense  degree. 

Litde  children,  how  thankful  you  ought  to  be  that  you 
are  not  in  the  same  condition  that  we  were ;  that  you  have 
not  a  nation  to  hiss  at  you»  merely  because  your  skins  are 
white.  1  am  sure  that  I  rejoice  for  you,  that  it  is  not  the 
case.  But  to  proceed  :  At  a  certain  time  when  my  grand- 
mother had  been  out  among  the  whites,  with  her  baskets 
and  brooms,  and  had  fomented  iierself  with  the  fiery  waters 
of  the  earth,  so  that  she  had  lost  her  reason  and  judgment, 
and  in  this  fit  of  intoxication,  raged  most  bitterly  :  and  in 
the  mean  time  fell  to  beating  me  most  cruelly ;  calling  for 
whips,  at  the  same  time,  of  unnatural  size,  to  beat  me  with  ; 
and  asking  me  at  the  same  time,  question  after  question,  if  1 
hated  her  ?  And  I  would  say  yes,  at  every  question  ;  and 
(he  reason  why,  was,  because  I  knew  no  other  form  of  words. 
Thus  I  was  beaten,  until  my  poor  little  body  was  mangled, 
and  m^  little  arm  broken  into  three  pieces ;  and  in  this  hor- 
rible situation  left  for  a  while.  And  had  it  not  been  for  an 
uncle  of  mine,  who  lived  in  the  other  part  of  the  old  hut, 
I  think  that  she  would  liave  finished  my  days ;  but  through 
the  goodness  of  God,  I  was  snatched  from  an  untimely  grave. 
'V  The  white  man  will  say,  "  What  cruel  creatures,  to  use 
children  so  !  If  I  could  see  that  this  blame  was  attached  to 
the  poor  degraded  Indians,  I  should  not  have  one  word  to  ' 
say.  But  when  not  a  whit  of  it  belongs  to  them,  I  have 
the  more  to  say.''  My  sufferings  certainly  were  through  the 
white  man's  measure ;  for  thoy  most  certainly  brought  spirit- 
uous liquors  first  among  my  people.  For  surely  no  such 
sufllerings  were  heard  of,  or  known  among  our  people,  until 
that  burning  curse,  and  demon  of  despair  came  among  us  ; 
surely  it  came  through  the  hands  of  the  whites.  Surely 
the  red  man  had  never  sought  to  destroy  one  another  as  this 
bane  of  hell  would !  And  we  little  babes  of  the  forest  had 
to  suffer  much  on  its  account.  Oh,  white  man  !  how  can 
you  account  to  God  for  this  ?  Are  you  not  afraid  that  the 
children  of  the  forest  will  rjise  up  in  judgment  and  con- 
demn you?  w-"'  ;  ^?»  i| 
k'  Little  children,  if  you  have  parents  that  drink  the  fiery 
waters,  do  all  you  can,  both  by  your  tears  and  prayers,  and 

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friendly  admoqiiions,  to  persuade  them  to  stop ;  for  it  will 
,'  most  certainly  ruin  them,  if  the^  persist  in  it.  But  to  pro* 
ceed.  1  did  not  long  continue  m  this  situation  ;  but  was  re- 
lieved from  it  by  my  uncle  making  his  complaint  to  the 
Selectmen  of  the  town,  who  took  up  my  case  and  placed 
me  for  a  while  among  some  of  the  white  neighbor^,  until  I 
W4IS  healed  of  my  wounds ;  although  it  was  a  year  before  1 
was  able  to  help  myself  much,  without  aid.  Being  now 
about  five  or  six  years  old,  it  was  agreed  u()on,  that  I  should 
live  with  this  white  faiTiily,  until  1  had  arrived  at  the  age  of 
tweniy-ono.  They  being  Baptist  people,  and  having  no 
children  of  their  own,  became  more  fond  of  me  thnn  a 
usual  for  people  to  be,  of  adopted  children,  and  treated  me 
with  the  utmost  kindness  ;  and  pailiculurly  Mrs.  Fainnon, 
who  was  very  kind  and  generous.  And  as  ihey  had  agreed 
to  send  me  to  school,  accordingly,  when  I  had  arrived  at  the 
age  of  six  years,  they  sent  me  to  school.  And  this  they 
continued  to  do  for  six  successive  winters,  which  was  about 
all  the  education  that  1  received.  The  amount  of  benefit 
which  I  have  received  from  this,  none  can  tell.  To  God  be 
all  the  praise. 

Things  began  now  to  wear  a  different  aspect ;  and  my  lit- 
tle heart  began  again  to  be  expanded,  and  I  began  to  be  in- 
quisitive about  many  things.  At  times,  the  children  of  God 
would  assemble  around  me,  to  worship  the  'Jreal  Spirit; 
something  new  to  me.  Of  course  I  listened  with  great  at- 
tention. Their  songs  were  sweet,  and  as  the  oil  of  joy  no 
doubt  was  in  their  hearts  to  indite  their  petitions,  to  nerve 
their  admonitions,  to  send  home  the  word  to  the  heails  of 
those  who  heard  it,  doubtless  made  it  the  more  interesting. 
And  so  it  caught  my  youtlifid  heart ;  being  a  constant  hearer 
of  these  things.  And  my  mind  became  more  knitted  to- 
gether with  them.  And  I  would  question  Mrs.  Fairmon  re- 
specting these  things.  She  would  give  me  a  great  many 
good  wholesome  admonitions,  and  tell  me.  the  young  nmst 
die  as  well  the  old  ;  and  often  point  me  to  the  grave-yard, 
and  cite  me  to  small  graves,  and  warn  me  to  prepare  to  die. 
It  would  leave  a  powerful  effect  upon  my  mind,  which  was 
not  easily  efficed.  I  recollect  the  first  time  I  visited  a  chapel 
for  the  worship  of  God.     It  being  a  new  place,  and  lookiog 


#■ 


« 


■JI|UII)P     ■ 


to  me,  somewhat  fine  to  the  eye,  I  took  great  liberties,  wu 
something  hke  a  country  clown  passing  through  populous 
cities,  staring  all  the  while  at  those  fine  piles  of  buildings 
which  he  siiw  ;  or  like  a  rabble  of  boys  and  girls  going  tn 
church  lo  hoar  the  Indlon  preach  ;  something  so  indeed, 
and  so  much  so,  that  I  lost  my  balance  of  behaviour:  and 
when  i  returned,  I  received  a  short  address,  accompanied 
with  a  handsome  present,  that  I  hnve  not  yet  forgotten ;  it 
weighed  well  with  me,  so  that  forever  afterwards,  I  was 
enabled  to  keep  my  balance  well.  It  would  be  well  for 
heads  of  families  to  supply  their  children  with  such  presents, 
when  needed  ;  it  would  save  the  country  from  much  dis- 
grace. But  to  proceed.  When  I  was  about  eight  years 
old,  the  preaching;  of  the  gospel  powerfully  affectea  my 
mind,  altiinitgh  I  was  ignorant  of  the  plan  of  salvation, 
through  Jesus  Christ ;  but  I  had  no  doubt  but  the  word  was 
spoken  with  divine  authority,  which  not  only  drew  tears  of 
contrition'  from  vie,  but  from  many  others.  But  being  small, 
and  of  little  nolo  in  the  world,  no  one  supposed  that  1  want- 
ed religion. 

In  those  days,  the  ngcd  thought  the  youth  were  not  sub> 
jecis  of  s;race ;  such  is  the  fact,  although  it  may  be  surpris- 
ing to  m;my ;  so  there  was  none  to  comfort  the  little  Indian 
boy.  flow  different  now  !  Lord,  help  the  youth  who  are 
exalted  to  heaven  in  point  of  privileij;es,  so  to  prize  them, 
that  they  might  not  be  thrust  down  to  hell. 

I  would  remark  hero,  that  many  rise  up  against  this  doo* 
trine;  but  why  not  rise  up  against,  or  in  opposition  to,  the 
State  Prison  ?  and  house  of  correction  ?  and  even  the  gal- 
lows itself;  these  are  places  to  punish  the  people  for  their 
crimes.  Some  say,  tbeir  crimes  are  punished  here  ;  indeed, 
this  is  a  new  doctrine.  Whoever  saw  a  crime  in  the  State 
prison  locked  np  to  hard  labor  ;  or  whoevpr  saw  a  crime  hung 
up  by  the  neck  ?  How  absurd  then  to  delineate  such  doc- 
trine. Crime  is  a  crime,  and  stands  for  what  it  is,  let  scof- 
fers say  what  they  will ;  may  grace  be  imparted  to  enlightea 
our  eyes.  But  to  return.  For  the  pro6ting  of  the  youth, 
I  would  speak  a  little  further  of  the  exercises  of  my  mind. 
Although  they  could  not  believe  that  I  wanted  religion,  yet 
the  Spirit  of  the  Lord  followed  me  daily  ;  and  m/  mind  was 


1 


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II  f^ 


I 


lo  Oftrwhelinid,  that  I  could  hardly  contain  myself  to  rest, 
without  giving  Ttnt  to  my  feelingi.  But  little  did  the  peo- 
ple with  whom  I  lived,  think  that  I  was  serious  about  a  fu- 
ture state ;  and  although  I  could  weep  to  be  at  church,  yet 
they  would  denv  me  at  times,  saying,  I  only  wanted  to  look 
at  the  boys,  and  play  with  them.  Those  sudden  rebuffi 
would  dampen  my  serious  thoughts,  and  I  would  turn  away 
to  wicked  paths  of  vice,  and  unite  with  wicked  boys ;  and 
break  the  Sabbath,  by  wandering  to  and  frc,  and  about  the 
iwamps  and  brooks,  sporting  with  whatever  came  in  our  way. 
But  when  I  came  home  at  night,  and  retired  to  rest,  the 
darkness  itself  was  a  terror  to  me  ;  as  I  would  picture  to  my 
imitination,  that  the  fiends  of  nieht  stood  around  me,  ready 
to  devour  me.  Then  1  would  cry  to  the  Lord  to  have 
mercy  upon  my  poor  soul,  and  promise  him  if  he  would 
spare  me,  I  would  do  better.  But,  when  the  darkness  was 
past,  I,  like  Pharaoh,  forgot  my  promise ;  thus  I  was  led  on  by 
wicked  youths  until  I  was  almost  ruined  ;  until  I  was  per- 
iutfded  to  leave  my  home,  and  wander  to  and  fro  to  seek  my 
bread.  This  displeased  Mr.  Fairmon  ;  he  supposing  1  had 
become  discontented,  had  sought  me  out  another  place,  with- 
out my  consent,  which  displeased  me,  and  made  me  more  dis- 
conftented  than  ever ;  I  being  at  this  time,  about  ten  years  of 
age,  entirely  unfit  to  choose  for  myself.  But  so  it  was ;  I 
was  alone  m  the  world,  fatherless,  motherless  and  helpless, 
as  it  were,  and  none  to  speak  for  the  poor  little  Indian  boy. 
Had  my  skin  been  white,  with  the  same  abilities  and  the 
some  parentage,  there  could  not  have  been  found  a  place 
good  enough  Tor  me.  But  such  is  the  case  with  depraved 
nature,  that  their  judgment  for  fancy  only  sets  upon  the  eye, 
dcin,  nose,  lips,  ciieeks,  chin  or  teeth,  and  sometimes,  the 
forehead  and  hair ;  without  any  further  examination,  the 
mind  is  made  up  and  the  price  set.  This  is  something  like 
buying  chaff  for  wheat,  or  twigs  of  wood  for  solid  substance. 
But  to  proceed  with  our  story.  The  place  that  he  bad  pro- 
cured for  me,  was  with  a  people  professing  religion,  that  he- 
longed  to  the  church,  and  withal  very  strict.  They  also 
thought  much  of  themselves ;  he  being  formerly  a  Judge, 
likewise  a  member  of  Congress,  in  the  House  of  Repre- 
sentatives! and  had  sufficient  to  supply  all  the  common  calls 


prayi 
erful 
and 
Iex| 

ceedj 

had 

boys  I 

lots 

song^ 

Godl 

and 

ness. 


'#■ 


"  WHWpi»p«fiij|lw»pi«i 


of  life,  for  all  his  household.  I  went  to  tiy  ray  n«w  home ; 
and  while  there  on  trial,  they  used  me  pretty  fairly  ;  made 
me  a  few  presents  suited  to  please  children,  &ic.  They  had 
now  secured  niy  favor,  as  they  thought ;  the  agreement  was 
now  made  that  1  should  huve  clothing  and  schooling,  so  as 
to  read  and  write,  and  plenty  of  work.  Now  this  man  is 
what  is  generally  en  lied  an  enlightened  Christian.      ^     'loi, 

Sut  let  us  look  at  his  proceedings,  and  see  if  he  was  ac- 
tuated by  the  spirit  of  Christ,  or  the  custom  of  the  day : 
hear,  and  then  decide.  And  there  was  work  enough.  This 
part  of  the  bargain  was  completely  fulfilled  on  his  part,  and 
that  was  all.  As  to  tny  fare,  it  was  none  of  the  best,  though 
middling ;  it  was  not  so  bnd  as  1  have  seen  :  1  mean  my 
table  fare  and  lodging  ;  but  when  we  came  to  the  clothing 
part,  it  was  mean  enough,  I  can  assure  you.  I  was  not  fit 
to  be  seen  any  where  among  decent  folks,  and  of  course 
there  was  no  meeting  for  me  to  attend,  although  I  had  a  de- 
sire. But  this  good  man  did  not  care  much  about  the  In- 
dian boy.  He  wished  to  hear  me  read  ;  I  could  make  out 
to  spell  a  few  words,  and  the  judge  said,  *'you  arc  a  good 
reader.**  I  hope  he  was  a  better  judge  at  law.  Now  some 
may  think  hard,  but  truth  will  stand. 

Now  the  judge  had  family  prayers,  and  was  exact  in  bar- 
ing all  his  family  to  hear  him  prny ;  so  h«  wduld  always 
have  a  repetition  of  words,  and  I  soon  could  pray  as  well  as 
he ;  of  course  I  cared  not  for  his  prayers  any  longer.  I 
would  remark,  however,  thnt  a  colored  womanf'who  had  liv- 
ed with  the  judge  for  many  years,  told  me,*  that  he  once 
prayed,  though  previous  to  it  there  was  one  of  the  most  pow- 
erful thunder  storms  that  ever  was  known  in  these  parts ; 
and  after  he  had  made  that  prayer,  he  forgot  to  pray  again. 
I  expect  there  are  many  such  in  the  world.  But  to  pro- 
ceed. The  poor  little  Indian  boy,  when  the  Sabbath  came, 
had  no  where  to  go  to  worship  God  ;  and  so,  like  all  little 
boys  who  are  left  alone  in  the  world,  would  stroll  about  the 
lots  and  meditate  upon  past  times,  and  listen  to  the  little 
songsters  of  the  forest,  which  would  chaunt  the  praise  of 
God  for  me,  while  there  was  none  to  take  me  by  the  hand 
and  lead  me  to  the  holy  place,  or  to  the  fountain  of  blessed- 
ness.   Now,  if  my  face  had  been  white,  it  would  have  been 


1 


i« 


"im 


*: 


^m, 


,p- 


m 
M 


ii- 


i    I 


10 

a  town  talk.     But  u  it  was  an  Indian  facei  no  matter 
whether  it  was  dirty  or  poor,  or  whether  I  had  clothing  or 
BOt.    Bu;  the  judge  has  gone  to  the  great  Judge  above,  who 
will  do  right.     I  would  not  live  with  him,  and  he  sold  me, 
as  a  farmer  would  sell' his  sheep  for  the  slaughter,  without  any 
of  my  knowledge  whatever,  to  Mr.  Williams,  of  New  Lon- 
don ;  aiid  through  hypocrisy  alone,  they  carried  me  along  to 
my  place  of  destination.      I  had  now  arrived  at  the  age  of 
aoout  eleven  years  and  a  half,  and  now  I  found  that  1  had  a 
new  home ;  and  in  fact,  I  was  not  so  much  displeased  with 
it  as  some  might  suppose,  for  now  1  found  myself  in  a  com- 
fortable situation ;  enough  to  eat  and  drink,  and  things  com- 
fortable to  wear ;  whereas  before,  I  was  quite  destitute  of 
many  things.    This  improvement  somewhat  settled  my  mind, 
and  I  became  more  contented.      But  soon  I  found  that  all 
his  household  wished  me  to  become  their  servant,  from  the 
cook  to  the  clerk.    This  I  did  not  stomach  well ;  it  was  too 
much  for  one  to  bear,  to  call  every  man  "  master."     I 
thought  it  beneath  my  dignity ;  of  course  there  was  war  in 
the  wigwam,  who  should  be  master.    But  Mr.  Williams  set- 
tled with  us  all,  and  with  me  in  particular,  as  he  said  he 
meant  to  make  me  a  good  boy  ;  but  at  the  same  time  told 
me,  that  I  must  obey  the  heads  of  his  family,  and  aU  this 
4vas  perfeellv  right ;  and  some  good,  I  think,  was  accom- 
plished.   However,  I  never  cried  out,  like  the  poor  African, 
**  Massa,  Kgsia^-Misse,  Misse,"  but  called  them  by  their 
jragularnam^ 

Things  now  went  on  smoothly  for  some  time.  The  Gen- 
eral and  his  family  generally  attended  the  Congregational 
Society  on  the  Sabbath,  to  hear  the  word  of  God  dispensed; 
though  neither  he  nor  his  family  were  religious,  yet  they  used 
to  be  often  there ;  and  their  example  was  good ;  and  so  I 
had  an  Of^portunity  to  attend  with  them.  My  mind  was 
much  occupied  about  those  who  preach  the  gospel,  there  be- 
ing a  difference  between  those  wno  preach  and  those  who 
read.  I  eould  discover  this ;  the  preaching  that  I  formeriy 
attended  was  with  divine  power,  which  made  the  language 
of  the  speaker  eloquent  and  sublime  $  and  withal,  called  the 
attentbn  of  those  who  heard  it,  to  seek  the  salvation  of  their 
fouli ;  whi|9  that  of  Ibe  latter,  being  a  selection  of  fine  sen- 


. 


.»  fr- 


-k 


#■ 


-  •■■■■■••:«■ 


* 


**^ 


m 


.     *  11 

fences,  and  read  off  in  an  elegant  style,  which  only  seemed 
to  please  the  ear  and  lull  the  people  to  sleep.     Hoir  much 
better  then  to  study  and  trust  in  God,  than  to  study  and 
trust  to  head  and  pen  ;  for  a  curse  is  pronounced  upon  all 
such:    *' Cursed  is  he  that  putteth  his  trust  in  an  arm  of 
flesh ;"  and  what  is  the  difference,  whether  a  preacher  puts 
it  in  his  own  arm,  or  ihe  arm  of  his  neighbor  ?    Now  I  have 
not  said  this  because  i  am  biassed  by  any  sectarian  principle 
whatever ;  I  should  condemn  it  in  one  sect  as  much  as  in 
another.     But  what  said  our  Lord  ?    He  said  to  his  servantt, 
*'  Go  and  preach  tite  gospel  to  every  creature."     Why  did 
he  not  say,  go,  read  my  gospel  to  every  creature  ?    There- 
fore no  man  who  reads  his  sermon,  can  be  iusti6ed  in  lo 
doing ;  for  Jes'is  has  said,  "  Now  are  ye  my  disciples,  if  ye 
do  whatsoever  I  have  commanded  you.'*    And  if  they  who 
are  the  servants  of  God  go  astray,  and  do  wrong  continually, 
and  place  things  where  tiiey  ought  not  to  be,  no  wonder  the 
churches  are  all  the  time  in  commotion.     But  to  proceed : 

After  I  had  attended  the  meeting  awhile,  I  had  a  desire 
to  attend  a  Methodist  meeting,  in  the  same  neighborhood. 
This  was  altogether  new  to  me ;  but  it  was  interesting  to 
attend  them,  and  so  much  so,  that  I  desired  to  be  a  constant 
attendant  of  them.  By  these  meetings  1  was  led  to  look 
more  into  the  plan  of  salvation ;  that  it  was  free  for  all : 
('  Whosoever  would,  let  him  come  and  take  of  the  waters 
of  life  freely." 

It  was  now  that  the  Lord  began  to  revive  bis  work.  The 
powers  of  darkness  began  to  gather  round,  that  the  light  of 
the  gospel  might  be  shut  out.  Beelzebub  was  busy,  both 
day  and  night,  to  prevent  good.  He  employed  all  that 
would  work  for  him,  from  the  pharisee  to  the  educated 
scholar  in  the  desk,  even  down  to  the  peasant  and  drunkard 
that  reeled  around  in  gutters  and  uiud-puddles  in  the  street. 
It  was  now  that  these  people  had  to  suffer  much  ;  they  were 
openly  called  the  sjum  and  filth  of  the  earth,  deceivers,  and, 
in  a  word,  all  the  calumny  that  could  be  heaped  upoii  them, 
by  those  who  ought  to  have  known  better.  It  was  said,  that 
it  was  a  disgrace  for  any  character  of  respectability  to  attend 
these  n>eeting.s.  But  I  can  say  this  much  about  it :  I  be^ 
Keve  it  arose  from  sectarian  bigots.      Not  that  1  could  sup- 


!•,■■' 


.1 


■4t, 


il 


»' 


«  1^' 


« 


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'f 


■p 


..'•- 


1*1 


'■H' 


il 


*v. 


pose  that  ihey,  (the  Methodists,)  were  free  from  it ;  but  have 
88,n?ifch  as  their  neighbors  ;  and  it  is  ihe  case  with  ail  sects^ 
that  they  are  more  or  Jess  bigoted.  And  if  they  are,  they 
need  not  join  with  the  devil's  crew,  to  do  all  the  hurt  they 
can  to  otno  another.  This,  to  me,  does  not  look  much  like 
religion. 

,  Bui;  thei  work  of  God  rolled  on,  like  an  overwhelming 
flood..  :  Persecution  seemed  to  cement  the  hearts  of  the 
brethren,  and  sisters  together,  and  their  songs  were  sweet. 
Their  prayers  and  exl^ortations  were  like  arrows  sticking  in 
the  heart  of  their  King's  enemy  ;  while  the  preachers  pour- 
e4  the;  thunders  of  the ,  law  upon  them,  as  if  God  himself 
had  spoken  to  them,  as  he  did  to  the  children  of  Israel  from 
iVIount,  Sinai,  that  they  should  fear  and  tremble  at  his  word. 
rMy  heart  now  became  much  troubledj  and  I  felt  deter-* 
miined  to  seek  the  salvation  of  my  sotil,  for  their  sayings  did 
not  aflectme  much,  (although  tliey  did  not  want  me  to  at<» 
tend  their  meetings,)  though  I  had  neither  respectability  nor 
character  to  lose,  but  was  like  the  partridge  upon  the  moun- 
tain, a  mark  for  them  all  to  shoot  at.  '>>. 
But  notwithstanding,  sectarian  nonsense  raged  most  biitei^^ 
ly,  and  I  do  suppose  that;  they  who  could  help  it,  would  not 
be  willing  for  their  dogs  to  go  there  to  mceiing,  for  fear  of 
bringing  disgrace  upon  themselves.      I  would  to  God  that 
peoples  were  more  consistent  than  they  are.      Judge  ye,  if 
this  is  right ;  if  not,'  cease  to  do  evil  and  learn  to  do  well. 
Uu%  as  I  had  no  character  to  lose,  1  became  a  constant  at- 
tendant on  these  meetings ;  and  although  a  sinner  bef()re 
God,  yet  I  had  no  disposition  to  make  sport  of  the  people 
of  God,  or  his  word.    <  Why  I  mention  this,  is,  because  so 
tqaoy  go  on  purpose  to  spi)rt  with  one  another,  and  make  de- 
rision of  the  people  of  God ;  aiid  those,  too,  who  call  them* 
selves  gentlemen  and  ladies.    iSuch,  however,  disgrace  them-* 
selves,  and  a re^  in  the  judgment  of  good  men,  and  their 
Maker,  below  the  beasts  of  the  (ield.      Shame!  shame! 
shame!  to  be  so  indecent,  who  boast  of  so  much  correct- 
ness and.  purity  I    But,  notwithstanding  the  people  would  be 
so  bftdt  yet  the  •  *^  Lord  had  respect  unto  his  people,  and  his 
ears  were  open,  to  the  cries  of  liis  servants,  and  his  ears 
we|£opento  tbeir,s^pp]ication:;'Vt>nd  in  answer  to  praver, 


thai 
on 

fyi. 

well 

the[ 

infil 

for 

mad 

the 

GonI 

call 


« 

"♦, 

*  I'- 

■  (  -..jf 

m 


ft- 


L_ 


ISM 


he  was  pleased  to  revive  his  viork  ;  the  Holy  Ghost  moved 
upon  (he  ibce  of  the  people ;  and  his  children  gathered 
strength  at  every  meeting  ;  and  were  built  up  in  the  most 
holy  faith,  and  soon  the  Holy  Ghost  fell  powerfully  among 
the  people,  so  that  the  cries  of  the  wounded  were  distinctly 
heard  at  every  part  of  the  house.  The  great  Physician  cf 
souls  was  present,  to  heal  all  that  will  come  to  him  and  seek 
his  favor.  Thus  the  work  of  God  went  on  most  powerful- 
ly ;  so  much  so  that  Satan  and  his  army  retreated,  at  times, 
before  it ;  and  then  would  gather  around  it  like  a  thick  cloud  of 
darkness,  and  like  the  young  lion,  which  had  lost  its  mother, 
roaring  to  be  answered.  But  the  Lord  assisted  his  servants 
to  overcome  them,  through  the  word  of  his  testimony.  -^  'n'k  • 
'.  V  It  was  now  tnat  conviction  settled  upon  my  mind,  more 
and  more  ;  and  I  was  more  serious  than  usual.  But  being 
young,  only  about  fourteen  years  of  age,  was  somewhat 
fliglity  5  though  when  I  considered  how  great  a  sinner  I  was 
before  God,  and  how  often  I  had  grieved  the  good  Spirit  of 
the  Lord,  my  distress  for  mercy  was  very  great.  •  '^^  • 

At  one  of  these  meetings  I  was  induced  to  laugh  ;  not  be- 
cause I  wanted  to,  but  to  hide  my  distress  from  those  around 
me.  Being  among  the  young  people,  I  did  not  wish  for  them 
to  know  it ;  but  such*  was  my  seriousness,  that  it  could  not 
be  hid,  and  I  became  affected,  even  unto  tears,  until  they 
coursed  down  my  cheeks  like  rain.  And  when  the  bold 
persecutors  saw  it,  they  inquired  if  I  was  one  of  the  Lamb's 
people  ? 

Brother  Hill  was  at  this  time  preaching  from  these  words : 
"  Behold  the  Lamb  of  God,  who  taketh  away  the  sins  of 
the  world."  He  spoke  feelingly  of  his  (Christ's)  sufferings 
on  the  cross  ;  of  his  precious  blood,  that  flowed  like  a  puri- 
fying river  from  his  side  ;  of  his  sustaining  the  accumulated 
weight  of  the  sins  of  the  whole  world  ;  and  dying  to  satisfy 
the  demands  of  justice,  which  could  only  be  appeased  by  an 
infinite  atonement.  I  felt  convinced  that  Christ  had  died 
for  all  mankind  ;  that  age,  sect,  color,  country  or  situation, 
made  no  difference.  I  felt  assured,  that  I  was  included  in 
the  plan  of  redemption,  with  all  my  brethren.  No  one  can 
conceive  with  what  joy  I  hailed  this  new  doctrine,  as  it  was 
called.      It  removed  all  my  excuses,  and  I  freely  belieTfd, 

2 


■y^:; 


■'-.i 


€ 


'•;^l 


w 

'•'y\ 


14 


j<^, 


«»'■ 


that  all  I  had  to  do,  was  to  look  in  faith  upon  the  Lamb  of 
God,  who  made  himself  a  free-will  offering  for  unregenerated 
and  wicked  souls,  upon  the  cmss.  My  spirits  were  depress- 
ed  ;  my  crimes  were  arrayed  before  me ;  and  no  tongue  can 
tell  the  anguish  of  soul  I  felt.  After  meeting,  I  returned 
home  with  a  heavy  heart,  determined  to  seek  the  salvation 
of  my  soul. 

This  night  I  slept  but  little  ;  at  limes  I  would  be  melted 
down  into  tenderness  and  tears  ;  and  then  again,  my  heart 
would  seem  as  hard  as  adamant.  1  was  awfully  tempted  ; 
the  evil  one  would  try  to  persuade  me  that  I  was  not  in  the 
pale  of  mercy.  I  fancied  that  evil  spirits  stood  around  my 
bed ;  my  condition  was  deplorable,  and  awful ;  and  I  longed 
for  day  to  break,  as  much  as  the  tein pest-tossed  mariner, 
who  expected  every  moment  to  be  waslied  from  the  wreck 
he  fondly  clings  to  ;  so  it  was  with  me,  upon  the  wreck  of 
the  world,  buffetted  by  Satan,  assailed  by  the  world  ;  some- 
times in  despair,  then  believing  against  hope  ;  my  heart  at 
times,  seemed  almost  broke,  while  the  tears  of  contrition 
coursed  down  my  cheeks  like  rain.        ;.     hUi  *     , .     .'r 

But  sin  was  the  cause  of  all  this,  and  no  wonder ;  I  groan- 
ed and  wept ;  [  had  often  sinned,  and  my  accumulated  trans- 
gressions had  piled  themselves  as  a  fbcky  mountain  upon 
my  heart ;  and  how  could  I  endure  it  ?  The  weight  there- 
of seemed  to  crush  me  down  ;  in  the  night  seasons,  I  had 
fearful  visions,  and  would  often  start  from  my  sleep,  and 
gaze  around  the  room,  as  I  was  ever  in  dread  of  seeing  the 
evil  one  ready  to  carry  me  off.  I  continued  in  this  frame 
of  mind  for  more  than  seven  weeks.  My  distress,  finally, 
became  so  acute,  that  the  family  took  notice  of  it ;  some  of 
them  persecuted  me,  because  I  was  seiious,  and  fond  of 
tttending  meetings.  Now  persecution  raged  on  every  hand, 
within  and  without ;  and  I  had  none  to  take  me  by  the  hand 
and  say,  '<  Go  with  us  and  we  will  do  thee  good."  But  in 
the  midst  of  difficulties,  so  great  to  one  only  tittle  more  than 
fourteen  years  of  age,  I  ceased  not  to  pray  for  the  salvation 
of  my  soul  ;  very  often  my  exercises  were  so  great,  that 
sleep  departed  from  me.  I  was  fearful  that  I  should  wake 
up  in  bell.  And  one  night  when  I  was  in  bed  mourning, 
like  the  dove  for  her  absent  mate,  1  fell  into  a*  doze.     1 


-■j* 


*, 


m- 


,^m^X'$ 


I 


m-- 


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15 


-m/l 


thought  I  saw  the  world  on  fire ;  it  resembled  n  large  bed 
of  coals,  red,  and  glowing  with  heat ;  I  shall  never  forget 
the  impression  it  made  upon  my  mind.  No  tongue  can  tell 
or  possibly  describe,  the  agony  of  my  soul ;  for  now,  1  was 
greatly  in  fear  of  dropping  into  hell,  that  awful  place,  where 
the  smoke  of  their  torments  ascendeth  up  forever  and  ever. 
I  cried  earnestly  for  mercy  ;  then  i  was  carried  to  another 
place,  where  perfect  happiness  seemed  to  pervade  every 
part,  and  the  inhabitants  thereof.  O,  how  I  longed  to  be 
among  them  and  partake  of  their  happiness.  I  sighed  to  be 
freed  from  pain  and  misery  ;  I  knew  that  nothing  but  the 
attenuated  thread  of  life  kept  me  from  sinking  into  the  awful 
lake  which  1  beheld.  I  cannot  think  it  is  in  the  power  of 
human  language  to  describe  the  feelings  that  rushed  upon  my 
mind  at  that  moment,  or  thrilled  through  my  veins ;  every 
thing  seemed  to  bear  the  signet  of  reality.  When  I  awoke, 
I  was  glad  to  find  it  was  a  vision,  and  not  a  reality.  I  went 
on  from  day  to  day,  with  my  head  bowed  down,  seeking  the 
Saviour  of  sinners,  but  without  success.  The  heavens  ap- 
peared to  be  brass ;  my  prayers  wanted  the  wings  of  faith 
to  waft  them  to  the  skies.  The  disease  of  my  heart  increas- 
ed ;  the  heavenly  Physician  had  not  stretched  forth  his  hand 
and  poured  upon  my  soul  the  panacea  of  the  gospel ;  the 
scales  had  not  fallen  from  my  eyes ;  and  no  ray  of  celestial 
light  had  dispelled  the  darkness  that  had  gathered  around  my 
soul ;  the  cheering  sound  of  sincere  friendship  fell  not  upon 
my  ear.  It  seemed  as  if  I  was  friendless,  unpitied  and  un- 
known ;  and  at  times,  I  wished  to  become  a  dweller  in  the 
wilderness.  Who  can  wonder,  then,  that  I  wfls  almost  in 
despair,  surrounded  by  difficulties  and  apparent  dangers. 
But  I  was  resolved  to  seek  the  salvation  of  my  soul,  with  ail 
my  heart ;  to  trust  entirely  to  the  Lord,  and  if  T  failed,  to 
perish,  pleading  for  mercy  at  the  foot  of  the  ti:tx}ne.  I  now 
hung  all  my, hopes  upon  the  Redeemer ;  and  clung  with  in- 
doi,..ibable  tenacity  to  the  cross,  on  which  he  purchased  sal- 
vation for  my  soul,  "the  vilest  of  the  vile."  The  result 
was  such  as  is  always  to  be  expected,  when  a  lost  and  ruin- 
ed sinner  throws  himself  entirely  on  the  Lord — perfect  fret" 
dotn.  On  the  15th  day  of  March,  in  the  year  of  our  Lord. 
1813, 1  heard  a  voice  saying  unto  me,  in  soft  anJ  soothing 


:^ 


f,:    I 


4 


^ 


'i'-i 


f 


"■wr^ 


16 


f 


accents,  "  Arise,  thy  sins  that  are  many  are  all  forgiven 
thee ;  go  in  peace  and  sin  no  more.'^  There  was  nothing 
very  singular,  save  that  the  Lord  stooped  to  lift  me  up,  in 
my  conversion. 

]  had  been  sent  into  the  garden  to  work,  and  while  there, 
I  lifted  up  my  heart  to  God,  when,  all  at  once,  my  burden  and 
fears  left  me  ;  my  soul  was  filled  with  love  ;  love  to  God, 
and  love  to  mankind.  O  how  my  poor  heart  swelled  with 
joy  !  and  I  would  cry,  "  Glory  to  God  in  the  highest." 
There  was  not  only  a  change  in  my  heart,  but  every  thing 
around  me.  The  scene  was  entirely  changed  ;  the  works  of 
God  praised  hitn,  and  I  saw  in  every  thing  that  he  had  made, 
his  glory  shine.  My  love  now  embraced  the  whole  human 
family ;  the  children  of  God,  1  loved  most  dearly.  O,  how 
I  longed  to  be  with  them  :  and  wiien  any  of  them  passed 
me,  I  would  gaze  at  them  until  they  were  lost  in  the  dis- 
tance. I  could  have  pressed  thetn  to  my  bosom,  as  they 
were  more  precious  to  me  than  gold,  and  I  was  always  loth 
to  part  with  them  whenever  we  met  together.  The  change, 
too,  was  visible  in  my  very  countenance.  1  enjoyed  great 
peace  of  mind,  and  that  peace  was  like  a  river,  full,  deep 
and  wide,  and  flowing  continually.  My  mind  was  employed 
in  contemplating  the  works  of  God,  and  in  praising  his  holy 
name.  I  dwelt  so  particularly  upon  his  mercy  and  good- 
ness, that  I  could  praise  him  aloud  ;  even  in  my  sleep,  and 
when  I  awoke,  it  was  glory  to  God  and  the  Lamb,  and  my 
heart  burnt  continually  with  the  love  of  God,  Well  might 
the  poet  say, 

"^       "O  for  such  love,  let  rocks  and  hills 
■  '  -:■.'.  ,\.     i  '  Their  lasting  silence  break;  n'f' 

,       '    ,    ,     ,       And  all  harmonious  human  tongues    .^-.^ 
The  Saviour's  praises  apeak." 

1  continued  in  this  happy  frame  of  mind  for  some  time  ; 
it  was  very  pleasant  to  live  in  the  enjoyment  of  pure  and  un- 
defiled  religion,  and  nought  could  I  see,  but  seas  of  rest,  and 
waves  of  glory  before  me.  1  wanted  only  the  wings  of 
angels,  to  waft  me  to  paradise,  that  i  might  dwell  around 
the  throne  of  God  forever.  But  alas  !  I  dwelt  in  a  tent 
below,  that  held  me  fast  and  would  not  let  me  g'^ ;  and 
here  to  resist  the  fiend,  the  Christian's  foe — to  war,  and  tug, 


■  •If--  'j 


17 


and  (oil  at  the  oar  of  prayer,  lill  time  with  me  no  more  sliouid 
be ;  and  thsn,  if  faithful  to  mj  Lord,  with  all  the  faithful 
saints  should  be. 

But  here  I  can  say,  I  had  none  to  make  me  the  object  of 
their  care ;  to  encourage  me  to  press  forward  in  the  ways  of 
doing  well.  But,  on  he  other  hand,  persecution  raged  most 
bitterly,  and  soon  1  was  deprived  of  that  privilege  that  was 
near  and  dear  to  me  :  such  as  the  privilege  of  class  meet- 
ings, and  other  means  of  grace,  that  are  usually  among  the 
Methodists ;  and  being  young,  I  was  again  led  astray.  How 
hard  it  is  to  be  robbed  of  all  our  earthly  rights  and  deprived 
of  the  means  of  grace,  merely  because  the  skin  is  of  a  dif- 
ferent color ;  such  has  been  the  case  with  us  poor  colored 
people.  I  would  ask  the  white  man,  if  he  thinks  that  he 
can  be  justified  in  making  just  such  a  being  as  1  am,  or  any 
other  person  in  the  world  unhappy  ;  and  although  the  white 
man  finds  so  much  fault  because  God  has  made  us  thus,  yet 
if  I  have  any  vanity  about  it,  I  choose  to  remain  as  I  am, 
and  praise  my  Maker  while  I  live,  that  Indians  he  has  made. 

But  again.  The  burden  that  was  heaped  upon  me,  at 
this  time,  was  more  than  I  could  bear,  being  only  about  fif- 
teen yeai-s  old,  and  I  now  began  to  relapse  back  again  into 
my  former  state.  I  now  became  acquainted  with  wicked 
and  silly  youths,  and  one  of  them,  whose  name  was  J^Hneff 
and  myself,  agreed  to  try  some  other  parts  of  the  world. 
Children  as  we  were,  we  made  the  best  arrangements  for 
our  journey  that  we  could ;  and  so  off  we  started,  and  steer- 
ed our  course  for  New  York.  With  difficulties  and  fears, 
we  arrived  there.  Many  of  the  people  thought  that  we  were 
sailor  boys,  as  we  informed  them  that  we  had  been  privateer- 
ing, and  had  been  taken  and  set  on  shore  nfear  New  Lon- 
don,' and  were  going  home  to  New  York,  to  our  parents ; 
and  it  being  war  time,  we  informed  the  people  all  we  knew 
about  it.  When  we  had  arrived  at  New  York  city,  and  al- 
most alone  in  the  world,  and  but  little  economy  to  take  care 
of  ourselves,  we  thought  best  to  engage  in  the  war.  So  I 
became  a  musician  in  the  army,  while  my  comrade  went  on 
board  of  a  privateer.  ^  >^- 

We  now  parted,  and  I  went  with  the  soldiers  to  Canada, 
where  I  experienced  all  the  horrors  of  war ;  fought  in  the 

2* 


*^ 


'-I 


I 

■II 


f* 


18 


ereat  battle  of  Lake  Chaniplain,  with  General  McComb, 
with  Hampton  nnd  Wilkinson,  at*the  Mills.  After  the  war 
was  over,  I  went  to  Montreal,  and  from  thence  to  Upper 
Canada,  Fort  Niagara ;  from  thence  to  Kingston,  and  through 
the  wilderness,  and  saw  many  of  my  brethren  who  orna- 
mented the  wood  with  their  camps,  and  chaunted  the  wild 
beasts  of  prey  with  their  songs.  Being  now  satis6ed  with 
these  regions  and  their  curiosities,  I  now  began  to  think  of 
home,  and  those  kindred  friends  who  had  long  before  buried 
me  beneath  the  sods  of  the  forest ;  being  absent  nearly  five 
years. 

This  journey  was  not  instructing  to  the  paths  of  virtue, 
but  of  vice.  Though  I  did  not  forget  the  past,  and  often 
recollected  those  happy  moments,  and  sighed  on  account  of 
my  condition,  but  had  no  heart  to  pray,  no  piou^  parents  to 
instruct  me,  no  minister  of  God's  holy  v;ord  to  notice  me, 
and  pour  into  my  ear  the  blessed  truths  of  God,  but  a  poor 
destitute,  helpless  child  of  the  forest,  all  alone  in  the  world, 
as  it  were.  I  now  made  the  best  of  my  way  home  to  my 
kindred  in  the  flesh  ;  and  when  I  arrived  there,  I  found  them 
surprised  and  rejoiced  (o  see  me  on  this  side  of  the  grave. 
After  a  while,  1  became  more  steady,  and. began  once  more 
to  attend  the  worship  of  God  ;  and  had  a  desire  to  return 
from  my  backslidiiit;  state,  to  the  worship  of  God,  that  I 
might  enjoy  his  smiles  again.  For  it  was  now  that  I  had 
become  wretched  and  miserable  through  the  deceiifulness  'of 
sin,  and  bad  examples  of  the  white  soldiers,  and  nothing  but 
thick  darkness  gathered  around  me  ;  and  apparently,  my  sit- 
uation was  worse  than  before.  It  was  now  harder  to  seek 
the  Lord  than  it  was  when  I  was  young,  for  now  my  sins 
were  redoubled  ;  and  it  appeared  indeed  that  there  was  no 
mercy  for  me.  And  when  I  went  to  pray,  and  call  upon 
God  for  mercy,  I  was  met  by  the  enemy  of  souls,  who  very 
readily  thrusted  a  dart  at  me  filled  with  a  message  of  despair, 
that  there  was  nothing  but  eternal  death  for  me  :  that  i  had 
committed  the  unpardonable  sin,  by  having  sinned  against 
the  Holy  Ghost,  and  it  was  all  in  vain  for  me  to  try  again  for 
help  in  God ;  that  he  was  sure  that  I  should  make  up  his 
host  in  hell.  My  distress  became  more  acute  than  ever ;  but 
I  attended  the  meetings  where  God's  children  meet,  and  at 


iJA 


19 


last  I  made  known  m^  distress  to  tliein ;  and  they,  the  dear 
children  of  God,  comtorted  nie,  by  saying  that  Christ  would 
have  mercy  upon  the  worst  oi  sinners,  and  encouraged  me 
to  pray  ;  and  then  prayed  with  and  for  me. 

1  sought  ihe  Lord  for  weeks  and  months,  and  at  last  I 
began  to  see  that  I  had  received  some  of  his  divine  appro- 
bation :  to  say  that  I  immediately  had  as  clear  an  evidence 
as  I  had  before,  I  cannot.  But  when  [  acknowledged  my- 
self a  sinner  before  the  people,  and  confessed  what  a  sinner 
1  had  been,  then  the  light  of  God's  countenance  broke  into 
my  soul,  and  I  felt  a^  if  I  were  on  the  wings  of  angels,  and 
ready  to  leave  this  world.  1  united  with  the  Methodists,  and 
was  baptized  by  immersion,  and  strove  to  walk  with  them  in 
the  way  to  heaven  ;  and  can  say,  that  I  spent  many  happy 
hours  with  them  in  the  worship  of  God  ;  and  to  this  day,  I 
most  heartily  rejoice  that  I  was  brought  again  from  the  dead 
to  praise  God.  After  a  while,  I  began  to  exercise  my  gift 
in  the  way  of  prayer  and  exhortation,  and  was  blest  in  so 
doing.  I  began  to  be  exercised  more  abuntantly  about  the 
salvation  cf  precious  souls,  and  began  to  haveadesire  to  call 
sinners  to  repentance  in  a  public  way ;  and  it  appeared  I 
could  not  rest  in  any  other  way  ;  but  1  knew  that  I  was  weak 
and  ignorant  as  to  the  letter ;  and  not  only  so,  I  was  already 
a  hissing-stock,  and  a  by-word  in  the  world,  merely  because 
I  was  a  child  of  the  forest ;  and  to  add  any  more  occasion 
to  the  weak  and  scornful  family  of  the  whites,  was  more  than 
1  wished  to  do ;  but  -there  was  no  peace  for  me,  either  by 
day  or  night.  Go  I  must,  and  expose  my  ignorance  to  the 
world,  and  strive  to  preach,  or  exhort  sinners  to  repentance. 
I  soon  found  men  like  adders,  with  poison  under  their  tongues, 
hissing  around  me ;  and  to  this  day,  I  find  now  and  then 
one  hissing  at  me.  My  trials  again  were  many,  and  appa- 
rently more  than  I  could  bear ;  but  I  entreated  of  God  to 
show  me  my  duty,  and  prated  to  him  for  a  token  of  his 
grace,  when  I  went  to  call  sinners  to  repentance.  The  Lord 
heard  my  prayer,  and  sent  down  his  awakening  power,  and 
convinced  sinners  of  the  error  of  their  ways  ;  but  I  was  too 
unbelieving ;  believing  that  I  was  not  the  character  that  God 
should  take  to  thresh  the  mountains  of  sin.  The  angel  of 
the  Lord  appeared  to  me  in  the  visions  of  the  night,  and 


" 


•  I 


SO 

read  some  extracts  of  John's  Gospel.  It  appeared  that  be- 
fore me  there  was  a  plain,  and  upon  that,  the  sun  shone  de- 
lightfully ;  but  it  was  a  difficult  place  for  me  to  reach,  being 
a  dark  and  winding  way,  through  mire,  but  I  reached  it ; 
here  I  was  encouraged  by  the  angel  to  persevere.  It  was 
now  when  I  awoke,  that  i  was  troubled  still  the  more ;  and 
night  and  day  it  was  preach,  preach  ;  though  many  thought 
it  would  be  a  miracle  for  such  an  ignorant  creature  as  I  to 
preach  the  gospel.  But  it  is  a  fact  that  1  had  a  difficult  road 
to  travel,  before  I  really  got  to  preaching ;  but  I  can  say 
that  I  have  seen  the  salvation  of  the  Lora  in  so  doing,  and 
God  has  made  me,  the  unworthiest  of  all  his  servants,  the 
humble,  happy  instrument  in  bringing  many  to  bow  at  his 
sceptre.    To  Him  be  all  the  glory  forever.       »   - '  '  ' 

I  would  now  say,  that  I  have  been  a  regular  member  in 
the  Methodist  Episcopal  and  Protestant  Methodist  Church, 
for  about  nine  years ;  in  the  Episcopal  Protestant  Church  I 
was  an  exhorter  for  eighteen  months.  1  left  them  in  good 
standing,  and  with  good  credentials,  April  11,  1829,  and 
united  with  the  Protestant  Methodists,  not  because  I  had  an^ 
thing  very  special  against  the  former,  any  further  than  their 
government  was  not  republican,  as  I  then  understood  it« 
Their  religion  is  as  good  as  it  ever  was.  I  have  been  in  the 
Protestant  Church  something  like  four  years,  as  a  preacher 
of  the  gospel ;  and  in  that  time  have  received  holy  orders 
as  an  authorized  minister  of  Christ,  to  attend  to  the  duties 
of  a  pastor ;  and  I  am  no  sectarian  whatever,  but  fellowship 
all  Christians  alike  ;  and  boldly  declare,  that  1  have  preach- 
ed for  all  that  would  open  their  doors ;  and  all  sects  have 
bid  me  welcome ;  and  this  is  as  it  should  be,  agreeable  to 
the  word  of  God,  "  Go  ye  into  all  the  world  apd  preach  the 
gospel  to  every  creature."  May  God  pour  his  Spirit  upon 
them  all,  and  all  the  world.    Amen. 

:.:  V  -r'V;  :■•■••  •^^■\  ^^^ '■•■^ '•'•''•  WILLIAM  APESS. 


.'■■;j. 


■V,  jr. 


* 


•,'/<V(|,      •     1     • 

'  *i  ■            ■       ■  .      ' 

■<1    ■       .'iC    •    /' 

,  ■  I  ■      '  ■»    ^'  -   .     * 

ssiipaiiBiiasrcoa 

/  .'V-.m.'     :■ 

:  ,-'  !•#  >•  .  ,v  ..  •    or 

,f . 


THE  MISSIONARY'S  CONSORT. 


WRITTEN   ^Y   HERSELF. 


:iiV.  ^:  )  .,;,  il';! 


1  was  born  in  Lyme,  Conn.  A.  D.  1788,  on  the  third  day 
of  January.  My  father  was  a  descendant  of  one  of  the  S|)an- 
ish  Islands,  or  a  native  of  Spain.  My  mother  was  an  English 
woman,  a  descendant  of  the  Woods  family,  of  Lyme*  My 
father  died  when  I  was  small,  and  like  all  other  fatherless 
children,  I  had  to  be  placed  out  among  strangers.  My 
mother  haying  but  little  property,  and  not  being  able  to  sus- 
tain roe,  being  a  poor  child,  this  was  done  before  I  had  arriv- 
ed at  my  sixth  year,  and  among  people,  too,  who  neither 
feared  God  nor  regarded  man,  but  blasphemed  their  blessed 
Maker,  and  that  too,  with  the  gratest  impunity.  The  woman 
was  a  proud  and  haughty  person,  and  often  raged  most  bitter- 
ly at  me,  and  that  too,  for  the  most  trivial  things.  I  had  no 
pious  parents  or  guardians  to  teach  me  the  paths  of  virtue  ; 
I  never  recollect  any  serious  impression  made  on  my  mind 
while  I  lived  with  these  people,  by  their  admonitions.  One  day 
it  was  suddenly  suggested  to  my  mind,  that  God  saw  me,  and 
I  was  afraid  to  die.  1  was  guilty  before  him,  and  I  wished 
to  find  some  place  to  hide  from  his  presence ,:  but,  since  I 
have  found  Jesus  precious  to  my  soul,  I  have  regretted  that 
1  sought  him  not  when  I  was  young ;  but  I  h^d  none  to  lead 
me  to  the  blessed  fountain  of  holiness,  where  my  sins  might 
be  washed  away ;  there  was  none  that  cared  for  my  precious 

soul.  .-v^'jit'i-  ;'»;.:  I  <r-r  :-.,.-'>ii'.i  b.-  •  -'d  '■-' 

I  was  now  residing  at  Mr.  D.  Gillet*s,  in  Lyme  ;  being 
now  about  twelve  years  of  age,  and  about  this  time  a  cir- 
cumstance happened  that  it  was  thought  best  that  1  should 


/■ 


ts 


Hi 


hi 


!« 


go  home.  I  went  home,  and  there  stayed  about  two  months 
as  senseless  to  the  reality  of  a  future  state,  as  the  beasts  of 
the  field.  And  then  I  was  again  bound  out  to  Mr.  Aniel 
Ely,  in  Lyme,  where  1  continued  until  I  was  ei(2;hteen  yean 
of  age.  Mr.  Ely  was  a  member  of  the  church.  He  used 
to  say  his  praters  every  Saturday  night  and  Sunday  morning ; 
aAer  a  few  tmies  in  attendance,  I  could  say  his  prayer  as 
well  as  he.  I  used  to  be  at  church  on  the  Sabbatn,  but 
Mr.  Ely  never  told  me  I  had  a  soul  to  save  or  to  lose.  I 
could  not  tell  what  I  went  to  meeting  for,  unless  it  was  to 
see  and  be  seen,  and  learn  fashions  ;  what  the  minister  said, 
I  understood  not,  nor  did  it  affect  my  mind.  Thus  1  went 
on,  careless  and  prayerless  for  about  two  years.  When  I 
had  advanced  to  fourteen  years  of  age,  there  arrived  in  our 
neighborhood  a  Missionary,  by  the  name  of  Bushnell.  Be- 
fore I  heard  him  preach,  he  paid  m  a  visit,  and  hearing  much 
about  him,  I  was  anxious  to  see  him,  but  did  not  wish  for 
him  to  see  me.  I  was  afraid  of  ministers  and  professors  of 
religion  ;  I  thought  them  a  better  people  than  others :  but 
after  tea,  the  missionary  made  his  appearance  to  us  in  the 
room  where  the  children  were,  and  there  he  very  affection- 
ately exhorted  us  all.  This  was  the  first  time  that  I  had  ever 
been  warned  to  seek  the  salvation  of  my  soul.  His  worda 
sank  deep  on  my  mind  ;  I  began  to  weep  as  sooA  as  he  left 
me ;  I  went  out,  and  for  the  first  time  I  ever  felt  the  need  of 
praying  or  of  a  Saviour ;  1  knelt  and  poured  out  my  soul  to 
God,  that  he  would  have  mercy  upon  me  ;  although  I  had 
never  seen  any  bodv  kneel,  yet  it  was  impressed  on  my  mind 
that  I  must,  and  from  that  time  I  cried  to  God  earnestly 
every  da^,  during  some  months. 

The  missionary  preached  that  Sabbath,  and  I  attended  all 
his  meetings ;  the  word  was  with  power  to  my  heart ;  I  think 
he  was  the  first  man  of  God  I  ever  heard  preach.  During 
his  stay,  he  visited  at  our  house  several  times,  and  would 
always  admonish  me :  1  was  pleased  to  hear  him,  but  dare 
not  make  known  the  exercises  of  my  mind  to  him.  Mr. 
Bushnell  expiessed  himself  in  such  a  way,  that  it  had  a  pow- 
erful effect  and  made  a  lasting  impression  on  my  mind  ;  that 
was,  when  be  saw  me  employed  about  my  daily  work  here, 
he  hoped  that  he  should  meet  me  in  heaven.    I  felt  myself 


pow- 
;  that 

here, 
myself 


28 

such  a  vile  wretch,  I  could  not  see  why  he  sljould  spenk  so 
to  me,  a  poor  sinner.  But  I  was  ignorant  of  the  power  of 
divine  grace,  that  could  fit  me  for  that  place.  Whilst  Mr. 
B.  stayed,  my  impressions  were  deeper  and  deeper,  and  1 
was  daily  resolved  to  seek  the  lx)rH,  ntul  leave  the  vanities  of 
the  world  behind  ine.  But  he  soon  left  the  place,  and  when 
lie  was  gone,  there  wbh  not  one  in  the  place  that  ever  after- 
wards presented  the  subject  to  me,  only  in  the  way  of  deri- 
sion ;  even  the  children  would  laugh  at  me,  and  lay  that  Mr. 
B.  converted  me.  I  had  plenty  of  such  aid  from  old  and 
young. 

Mr.  Ely,  although  a  member  of  the  churoii,  never  men- 
tioned the  subject  of  religion  to  me  while  1  lived  with  him. 
I  pray  God  to  have  mercy  upon  all  such  church  members. 
But  through  all  the  opposition  and  persecution  I  had,  I  strove 
to  seek  the  salvation  of  my  soul,  and  cry  to  God  to  help  me; 
this  I  did  for  about  six  months,  but  I  was  tormented  without 
and  within.  Mrs.  Ely  was  a  step-mother  in  the  house,  and 
very  wicked,  and  withal  a  very  great  tyrant:  sometimes 
she  would  get  angry  at  the  other  children  and  beat  me,  and 
for  the  most  trifling  thing.  She  would  say  to  me  at  times, 
when  I  was  meditating  upon  death  and  judgment,  that  my 
head  was  full  of  the  evil  one,  and  so  much  so,  that  I  could 
not  attend  to  what  she  wanted  me  to.  But  this  only  griev- 
ed me,  and  I  would  sorrow  and  weep  in  secret  places. 
Here  I  would  remark  how  much  little  children  have  to  un- 
dergo, who  are  fatherless  and  motherless  in  the  world,  and 
what  was  I  but  a  child  ;  how  much  I  wanted  a  tender,  and 
aflfectionate,  and  pious  mother  to  take  me  by  the  hand  and 
instruct  me,  or  some  pious  friend  :  how  mucn  good  it  would 
have  done  me  ;  but  I  had  none  but  a  wicked  and  an  unho- 
ly tyrant  to  discourage  me.  But  I  leave  her,  as  she  has 
long  sinct  gone  to  a  just  God  who  will  do  right.  Poor  wo- 
man, she  died  as  she  lived,  a  poor  and  impenitent  sinner. 
About  this  time  the  Methodists  came  into  the  neighborhood, 
and  held  meeting?  about  a  mile  oflf:  .nere  was  every  thing 
said  about  them  but  good.  It  was  said  that  they  had  the 
devil  among  them,  and  I  believed  it,  and  would  as  soon 
so  to  the  house  of  ill-fame,  as  I  would  to  their  meetines. 
This  prejudk^e  only  ccme,  however,  by  the  bearing  of  the 


1. 


-■-Sf  ■  ■«. 


IV 


n  <J 


'I 


■I 


S4 


■t' 


ear,  which  made  me  as  foolish  as  thousands  of  others  have 
been  on  the  same  account. 

However,  I  continued  to  pray,  but  was  alone  and  had  no 
o^iC  to  communi  j  my  feelings  to  but  to  the  Lord,  and  he 
at  times,  gave  me  sweet  peace  of  mind  :  but  I  did  not  know 
that  it  was  religion.  I  had  no  pious  father  or  godly  pastor 
to  look  after  me,  nor  mother  in  Israel,  to  take  me  by  the 
hand,  and  drop  an  encouraging  word  of  sympathy  over  me  ; 
nor  friends — none  of  these  blessings  was  I  favored  with,  and 
am  suie  that  I  did  not  want  the  world  any  more  then,  than 
now.  Bu.  having  no  pious  instructer  or  Christian  examples 
before  me,  the  eneinj  of  my  soul  became  too  powerful  for  me. 
I  had  a  proud  heart,  a  tempting  devil,  an  alluring  world  to 
flatter  and  decoy  me  away,  and  to  its  force  I  yielded — cast 
off  fear,  and  restrained  prayer.  O  how  horrible  was  my 
situation  now,  and  I  again  slid  into  rude  company,  gave 
way  to  the  pride  of  my  heart,  and  my  most  besetting  sins 
were  music  and  dancing.  And  how  thankful  I  am  that  I 
was  never  led  away  as  many  poor  females  are,  to  disgrace 
themselves  forever,  and  sometimes  to  swift  destruction  and  to 
a  miserable  hell.  I  went  on  now  in  the  way  of  folly,  but  not 
without  conscience  giving  me  a  check  at  times,  till  I  was  23 
years  of  age.  I  would  read  my  bible  ;  at  times,  would  be 
displeased  with  it,  and  the  grand  enemy  of  my  soul  would 
tempt  me  not  to  believe  it ;  that  it  was  a  libel  upon  the 
world,  and  for  a  while  tried  to  believe  it.  But  there  was  a 
passage  that  so  forcibly  struck  my  heart,  that  I  could  not 
doubt  its  correctness ;  that  is,  "  Except  ye  be  converted  ahd 
become  as  as  a  little  child,  ye  can  in  no  wise  enter  the  king- 
dom of  heaven."  The  i-eason  why  I  felt  so  indifferent,  I  sup- 
pose  originated  from  my  being  at  Hartford,  Con.,  where 
I  learned  more  evil  than  good  ;  for  I'  used  to  attend  all  the 
parties  of  recreation  that  came  in  my  way  ;  and  in  reading 
those  sacred  pages,  they  condemned  my  former  proceedings, 
and  my  heart  was  not  willing  to  submit  to  them.  But  I 
would  remark  further ;  whilst  I  lived  in  Hartford,  although  I 
used  to  frequent  the  ball-chamber,  yet  when  I  returned  home 
and  meditated  on  death,  judgment  and  eternity,  it  would 
blast  all  my  imaginary  happiness,  and  my  heart  would  sink  in 
sorrow  down,  because  I  was  such  a  sinner.     And  while  here 


»  25 

in  the  city  of  Hartford,  I  heard  of  the  Methodists  but  it  was 
only  in  the  way  of  derision.  I  heard  of  their  canip-meeiings, 
that  they  had  the  most  awful  works*that  ever  was  known,  or 
heard  of;  and  I  believed  it— and  took  no  pains  to  inform 
myself,  but  lived  on  the  credit  of  hearsay. 

But  although  I  was  such  a  wicked  sinner,  I  could  not 
bear  the  thought  of  going  to  hell.  Yet  I  went  on  in  rebel- 
lion against  God,  and  did  not  seek  for  instruction  ;  if  I  had, 
I  do  not  doubt  that  I  should  have  found  it.  Yet  I  felt  sen- 
sible that,  without  religion,  I  must  go  to  hell.  But  when  1 
arrived  to  Uie  age  of  twenty-one,  I  thought  I  would  aban- 
don all  hopes  of  heaven,  and  if  I  went  to  ucll,  I  should  not 
go  alone — that  I  should  he  a  plenty  of  company ;  so  I  thought 
I  would  rest  easy  where  1  was  ;  and  if  I  should  live  to  old 
age,  then  I  would  seek  the  Lord,  and  get  ready  to  die.  But 
how  little  did  I  think  of  the  uncertainty  of  life.  But  being 
now  at  my  mother's  home,  and  having  been  informed  that 
the  Methodist  meetings  were  about  two  miles  off,  and  was 
strongly  invited  by  one  of  my  neighbors  to  go  to  meeting  with 
her.  So  notwithstanding  I  had  united  to  make  derision  of 
them,  with  the  rest  of  the  wicked,  yet  for  the  first  time,  I 
thought  1  would  go  ;  though  all  the  neighbors  around,  with 
the  exception  of  a  few,  told  the  same  sad  tale.  Yet,  I  thought 
it  was  no  harm  for  me  to  go  and  hear  for  myself — so  I  went. 
1  think  1  never  shall  forget  the  preacher's  text ;  it  was  in 
Acts  xxiv.  25,  "  And  as  he  reasoned  of  righteousness,  tem- 
perance," &c.  And  as  the  words  fell  from  the  preacher's 
lips,  so  it  seemed  to  sink  with  weight  into  my  heartland  its 
powerful  effect  was  very  great.  I  was  convinced  that  I  was 
a  sinner,  and  must  be  lost  without  a  Saviour ;  that  I  was  to 
blnme  for  the  sins  I  committed,  and  no  one  else.  I  began  to 
tremble  like  a  Felix.  I  saw  it  vould  not  do  to  put  off  repent- 
ance until  old  age,  for  time  was  short,  and  eternity  near,  and 
life  uncertain,  and  death  certain. 

Ever  afterwards,  I  attended  the  poor  despised  Methodist 
meetinss  ;  and  while  sitting  under  the  preaching  of  the  gos- 
pel, I  Irlt  myself  such  a  lost  sinner,  that  at  times,  I  could 
but  v  St  refrain  from  crying  aloud  for  mercy.  But  I  griev-> 
ed  t^e  Holy  Spirit  again  and  again.  I  was  afraid  of  perse- 
cution— not  being  willing  to  give  up  my  good  name,  and  bci 
3 


^;-*; 


.i& 


*. 


'Tv:^^ 


26 

come  a  follower  of  the  meek  and  humble  Jesus.  Though 
conviction  for  sin  did  so  powerfully  sit  upon  me  at  times,  I 
knew  not  what  to  do  ;•  yet  when  mv  young  mates  came 
vhere  I  was,  or  I  with  them,  I  would  join  with  them  in  their 
folly.  O  how  hard  it  was  to  give  them  up,  and  the  vanities 
of  this  life,  for  an  interest  in  Christ  Jesus.  It  is  a  wonder 
of  mercy  that  he  did  not  give  me  up  to  hardness  of  heart, 
and  to  a  reprobate  mind.  ...  i  ,   ,  ,,,   ,    :\  , ,    ,  .,    .., 

I  wanted  religion  in  my  own  way,  and  had  a  wish  to  have 
it,  and  keep  it  to  myself.  I  kept  along  in  this  way  about  a 
year.  I  recollect  at  a  thanksgiving,  while  at  home,  my 
mother  wished  me  to  attend  with  her,  on  an  evening  visit  to 
a  neighbor's  house ;  but  I  felt  very  indifferent  about  go- 
ing ;  but  to  please  her,  I  gave  my  consent :  but  before  we 
got  to  the  house,  we  heard  music  and  dancing  :  I  wished  to 
return  and  go  no  farther,  for  I  knew  that  I  had  promised 
the  Lord  that  I  would  not  dance  any  more.  I  told  my 
mother  I  did  not  wish  to  join  them — but  she  insisted  on  my 
going,  saying,  that '  I  was  not  obliged  to  dance ;'  so  I  yield- 
ed, and  went  along ;  and  when  we  arrived  there,  1  was  very 
soon  asked  to  dance,  but  I  refused,  with  a  determination  not 
to  :  but  my  mother  said  that  if  she  was  young  as  Mary,  she 
would.  Hearing  her  say  so,  I  thought  if  she  would  if  she 
was  able,  surely  it  would  be  no  hurt  for  me — so  I  went  on  to 
the  floor,  but  not  willingly  ;  and  when  I  began  to  dance,  it 
seemed  as  if  the  floor  would  sink.  I  felt  a  condemned  sin- 
ner before  God.  However,  I  spent  the  evenipo-  with  them. 
I  mention  this  to  show  how  much  parents  may  do  in  keeping 
their  children  from  the  kingdom  of  God  :  but  my  mother  was 
irreligious,  and  I  regret  to  this  day,  that  I  had  no  pious  pa- 
rents or  teachers  to  instruct  me.  But  after  all,  it  is  a  won- 
der that  God  did  not  take  me  out  of  the  world,  and  send  me 
to  hell. 

After  I  had  arrived  at  my  twenty-fourth  year,  the  Lord 
seemed  to  blast  all  my  earthly  joys  and  schemes  by  sickness 
and  disappointments.  I  could  see  the  hand  of  God  in  this  ; 
but  wb-t  it  could  be  for,  I  was  not  aware — but  thought  God 
was  an§,.y  with  me,  and  I  did  not  know  what  he  was  going 
to  do  with  me.     Surely  he  led  me  in  a  way  I  knew  not. . 

At  that  time  I  was  from  home,  nursing  a  sick  womar 


rhough 
imes,  I 
}  came 
io  their 
canities 
wonder 
r  heart, 

to  have 
about  a 
ne,  my 
visit  to 
out  go- 
(fore  we 
ished  to 
tromised 
told  my 
i  on  my 
I  yield- 
vas  very 
ition  not 
ary,  she 
d  if  she 
jnt  on  to 
dance,  it 
med  sin- 
h  them, 
keeping 
ther  was 
lious  pa- 
i  a  won- 
send  me 

le  Lord 
sickness 
in  this ; 
ght  God 
as  going 
not. . 
woraar 


«7 

One  night  after  we  had  retired,  I  was  reading  a  hymn — 
<*  Come  humble  sinners,  in  whose  breast ;"  and  when  I  had 
come  to  this  verse—         . 


'■'  I  '11  BO  to  Jesus,  though  my  sin 
Hatn  like  a  mountain  rose ; 

f  know  his  courts,  I  'II  enter  in, 
Whatever  may  opposo." 


.''>'■ 


I  here  viewed  Jesus  in  the  flesh,  while  upon  earth,  going 
about  doing  good,  and  his  followers  with  him — and  sinners 
falling  at  his  feet,  crying  for  mercy — and  Jesus  saying,  son, 
daughter,  go  in  peace  and  sin  no  more  ;  for  thy  sins,  which 
are  many,  are  all  forgiven  thee.  There  was  such  a  deep 
sense  of  my  transgressions  before  me,  that  I  had  committed 
against  a  holy  God,  that  I  could  hardly  contain  myself.  I 
thought  if  he  had  been  here,  how  gladly  would  I  have  fallen 
at  his  feet,  uiid  implored  forgiveness  at  his  hand.  I  can  truly 
say  I  felt  the  need  of  mercy,  but  did  not  know  how  to  obtain 
it :  there  was  no  one  near  me  that  prayed,  and  what  to  do  I 
knew  not.  A  thousand  thoughts  rushed  through  me  as  in  a 
moment  of  time.  I  tiied  to  raise  my  heart  to  God,  which 
seemed  to  quiet  me  a  little ;  was  afraid  io  go  to  sleep,  but  some 
time  in  the  night  I  fell  into  a  doze,  and  when  I  awoke,  it  was 
impressed  powerfully  on  my  mind,  that  I  must  break  off  my 
sins,  and  go  in  secret  to  pray — but  how  to,  I  knew  not,  I  had 
been  such  a  sinner  before  God;  but  I  tried  to  lift  my  heart  to 
God, and  continued  to  do  so  a  number  of  times  during  the  day. 
I  broke  off  from  my  outward  sins,  and  strove  to  do  better ;  but 
did  not  reveal  my  mind  to  any ;  went  home,  burdened  with  sin 
and  guilt :  and  found  no  peace.  There  was  a  gloon<  ead 
over  creation,  and  death  seemed  to  be  written  on  all :  I  said 
that  1  wanted  nothing  but  a  preparion  for  it — for  I  had  no  de- 
sire for  the  things  of  this  world — and  sometimes  I  thought  I 
took  comfort  in  trying  to  pray,  and  singing  one  of  Dr.  Watts' 
psalms — to  hope,  to  love,  to  pray,  is  all  that  I  require.  The 
enemy  of  my  soul  told  me  that  I  was  good  enough,  that  I  could 
pray  and  praise,  and  that  was  all  that  God  required  of  me. 

I  now  went  about  to  establish  my  own  righteousness ;  was 
a  godly,  formal  saint ;  a  pharisee  within.  I  fear  thousands 
fouild  upon  the  same  sandy  foundation  that  I  was  then  build- 
ing upon.  I  praise  God  while  I  am  writing,  that  he  was 
jealous  of  his  own  glory  and  soon  divested  me  of  my  rags  of 


28 

self-righteousness,  and  opened  my  eyes  and  showed  me  where- 
abouts I  was — that  I  was  a  guihy,  wretched  helpless  sinner 
before  him,  and  he  only  kept  me  from  sinking  down  to  the 
abyss  of  woe.  I  now  read  my  Bible  ;  but  it  condemned 
me.  I  became  angry  with  it,  and  with  God,  and  wished  to 
cast  it  from  me,  and  thought  it  hard  for  me  to  submit  to  his 
will  or  go  to  hell.  I  envied  the  dumb  beasts  of  the  field, 
because  they  were  innocent,  and  had  no  souls.  The  very 
pains  of  hell  got  hold  of  me ;  and  I  thought  if  hell  were  as 
bad  as  my  conscience,  it  might  well  be  called  hell. 

However,  I  went  to  meeting,  and  said  nothing  to  any  one, 
nor  they  to  me.  ft  happened,  that  I  was  at  a  house  where 
one  of  the  class  was  employed  ;  a  very  pious  man.  1  made 
known  my  mind  to  him,  and  he  encouraged  me  to  be  faithful. 
I  informed  him  that  1  wanted  to  attend  class ;  he  informed 
his  leader,  and  1  had  an  invitation  to  attend,  and  was  thank- 
ful for  the  privilege  ;  and  when  they  asked  me  the  state  of 
my  mind,  1  told  them  the  exercises  and  desires  that  I  had  ; 
and  they  exhorted  me  to  be  faithful,  to  seek  the  Saviour  of 
sinners.  But  I  was  so  hard  and  stubborn  that  I  despaired 
of  mercy  at  his  hand.  My  mind  was  now  led  back  to  my 
former  days,  when  the  Spirit  of  the  Lord  strove  witli  me — 
I  saw  I  might  have  had  religion  then,  but  now,  there  was  no 
mercy  for  me — for  I  had  sinned  away  the  day  of  grace.  The 
enemy  said  that  God  was  unjust,  and  would  not  forgive  my 
sins,  because  I  had  sinned  so  long,  and  I  must  go  to  hell,  and 
had  better  put  an  end  to  my  existence,  and  know  the  worst 
of  my  case.  Although  I  saw  the  justice  of  God  in  condemn- 
ing me,  yet,  I  was  not  willing  to  be  miserable  forever.  I  felt 
dejected,  and  cast  down,  and  forsaken,  and  I  wept  before  the 
Lord,  and  was  burdened,  on  account  of  my  sins ;  and  when 
I  walked  out  it  seemed  as  if  the  earth  would  sink  under  me, 
and  I  should  go  down  to  darkness  and  sorrow  to  receive  the 
punishment  due,  that  my  crimes  had  merited — the  worst 
person  then  living  was  better  than  L  I  went  mourning  from 
day  to  day,  without  any  light  of  the  Son,  to  cheer  the  dun- 
geon of  my  soul ;  pride,  unbelief,  self-will,  all  combined  to 
keep  me  from  the  Saviour  of  sinners.  I  doubtrd  his  power 
to  save  such  a  vile  sinner  as  L  I  attended  the  meetings,  and 
class,  and  from  that  dear  people  I  was  encouraged  to  press 
forward  and  obtain  my  object,  the  salvation  of  my  soul.  But 


■iv  ,-^.-.>ii,-./.  .  .  I- 


S9 

Tvhen  alone,  my  mind  was  611ed  with  temptations  and  doubts 
and  fears.  I  felt  like  a  sinner  justly  condemned  before  God ; 
I  thought  if  I  should  feel  this  distress  for  years,  and  then  if 
Crod  should  pardon  me,  it  would  be  an  act  of  great  mercy.  I 
read  my  bible  and  prayed,  but  my  distress  increased  daily  ; 
my  appetite  forsook  me ;  I  wished  for  no  kind  of  food.  And 
at  night  I  was  sleepless,  and  strove  to  make  myself  better  by 
the  works  of  the  law— but  that  increased  my  pain  the  more. 

The  verse  of  a  hymn  came  to  me-—'  I  can  but  perish  if  I 
go ;  I  am  resolved  to  try — for  to  stay  away,  I  know  I  ^all 
forever  die.'  I  resolved  to  seek  Jesus  while  I  lived,  ai.:l  if  I 
perished,  to  perish  at  his  feet.  My  distress  rolled  on,  I  could 
not  work,  nor  find  religion  in  reading  or  praying.  I  took 
my  bible  one  afternoon,  not  knowing  where  I  was  a  going ; 
and  it  was  rainy,  so  I  thought  I  would  stay  until  I  found 
mercy,  if  mercy  could  be  found.  The  Lord  led  me,  for  I 
never  had  been  there  before — for  it  was  a  complete  shelter 
from  the  rain  that  was  then  falling.  It  was  among  rocks ;  I 
spent  the  afternoon  in  reading,  meditation  and  prayer — hoping, 
believing  and  doubting.  1  stayed  there  till  it  began  to  grow 
dark.  Before  I  left  the  place  I  found  some  relief.  I  had  some 
faith  that  'Jesus  had  died  to  redeem  my  soul,  and  had  risen 
again  for  my  justification.     '•  ;■  i;  f    '    ^9    »^  -    '^  v 

When  I  got  home  it  was  dark,  and  I  could  not  see  to  read. 
I  took  my  bible  and  lamp,  and  the  first  chapter  that  opened 
to  me,  was  John  xlx.  30,  "  When  Jesus  therefore  had  receiv- 
ed the  vinegar,  he  said.  It  is  finished ;  and  he  bowed  his  head 
and  gave  up  the  ghost."  These  words  were  applied  to  my 
heart — it  seemed  as  if  Jesus  spake  to  me  himself,  and  said, 
*^  All  this  I  sufl«red  for  you,  that  you  might  live  with  me  in 
heaven."  The  plan  of  salvation  was  now  opened  to  my 
view.  The  Son  of  God  was  revealed  to  me  by  faith,  in  all 
his  offices,  as  prophet,  priest,  and  king.  With  pleasing  grief 
and  mournful  joy,  my  spirit  now  was  filled ;  that  I  had  such 
a  life  destroyed,  yet  live  by  him  I  killed.  I  wept  and  griev- 
ed because  Jesus  had  died  to  redeem  so  vile  a  wretch  as  I. 
My  load  of  sin  and  fear  of  hell  were  gone ;  and  then  I  was 
forcibly  struck  with  these  lines  of  the  poet : 

icmn  f '  'ijViU  f  „  ^^^^  mouining  ■ouli,  dry  up  your  tean, 
jiikul  h  i.  Andbuithallyoarguil^fean."      ,>  . 


,'.%M 


M' 


80 


♦  * 


-^ 


My  burden  of  sin  left  me ;  my  tears  were  dried  up.    I  felt  a 
sweet  peace  in  my  soul,  but  did  not  think  this  a  change  of  heart. 
I  retired  to  rest,  and  there  was  a  great  cahn.    1  awoke 
in  the  morning,  and  my  sou!  was  drawn  out  after  God  ;  and 
when   I  arose  nnd  looked  around   me  upon  the  works  of 
creation,  every  thing  wore  a  different  aspect ;  every  thing  I 
saw  praised  God  ;  and  I  felt  as  if  I  had  tong  been  shut  up  in 
prison — my  bonds  were  loosed,  my  chains  were  fallen  off, 
and  I  was  set  at  liberty.     I  wanted  to  proclaim  to  the  whole 
world  what  God  had  done  for  my  soul,  and  to  my  brethren 
and  to  my  young  mates,  how  happy  I  was,  and  wliat  a  dear 
Saviour  i  had  found.   I  thought  that  I  would  go  and  publish 
it  without  delay  ;  but  was  ignorant  of  the  devices  of  Satan. 
He  very  readily  informed  me  that  if  I  did,  no  body  would  be- 
lieve me.     [  listened  to  him,  and  went  not.     1  have  been 
sorry  ever  since,  that  I  was  not  obedient  to  the  heavenly  vi- 
sion ;  but  thought  if  a  soul  had  been  once  cleansed  from  sin, 
that  doubts  and  fears  would  never  return  to  trouble  that  soul 
any  more — but  in  this  I  was  mistaken,  for  they  soon  returned. 
On  Sabbath  morning.  May,  1813, 1  went  to  meeting  as  usu- 
al, but  my  mind  was  filled  with  darkness  and  unbelief.  After 
preaching,  we  had  a  class  for  the  dear  children  of  God  to  re- 
late the  exercises  of  their  minds ;  and  while  they  were  rela- 
ting theirs,  I  felt  encouraged  to  press  forward,  for  some  of 
them  spoke  the  feelings  of  my  heart.    But  I  did  not  tell  them 
the  exercises  of  mine ;  and  when  they  asked  me,  I  told 
them  I  did  not  feel  such  a  burden ;  and  felt  determined  to 
persevere.      :v'^^m^;n(xf7  •i>^;'ii\'^"^'^,r'--><*Mi:  ^^l^ ^ m\  nr 

They  gave  me  their  pious  admonitions,  and  I  praised  God 
for  such  a  privilege  to  meet  with  his  dear  children.  At  th'' 
close  of  the  meeting  the  preacher  prayed  eamesUy  for  me. 
The  Lord  heard  and  answered  prayer,  to  the  joy  of  my  soul 
— for  I  felt  peace  with  God  through  our  Lord  Jesus  Christ, 
and  wanted  to  praise  him  aloud;  but  I  grieved  the  Holy 
Spirit  of  God,  and  hid  my  talent  in  the  earth,  but  they  rejoic- 
ed and  I  kept  silent— well  might  it  be  said,  that  the  fear  of 
man  bringeth  a  snare.  I  felt  a  love  for  the  dear  people  of 
God,  and  could  join  with  them  in  worship,  but  did  not  believe 
that  God  had  converted  me  into  his  grace.    I  returned  lioine 

? raising  God,  but  was  afraid  that  some  one  would  hear  me. 
sung  a  verse  of  an  hymn  called  the  good  Shepherd : 


V 


^^ 


* 


* 


fc*-- 


■I6A,> 


81 


rejoic- 
fear  of 
ople  of 
believe 
d  liome 
3ar  me. 


'      '        *'  Como,  ^ood  Lord,  with  courage  trm  ui }        ' ' 

Pefiecution  ragei  here— 

Nothlag,  Lord,  we  know  can  harm  ns;  .'  *       * 

■    .    !       While  our  Shepherd  U  so  near.  f    .    , 

Glorv,  glory  be  to  Jesui, 
'^   '  At  h»  name  our  hearts  doth  leap } 

He  both  comrorta  ui  and  Trees  us, 

The  good  Shepherd  feeda  hia  sheep." 

The  Isrst  part  of  the  verse  spoke  the  sentiments  of  my  heart. 
When  I  got  liome,  I  had  a  cross  to  take  up,  to  confess  to  my 
mother.     And  the  Lord  gave  me  strength  to  do  my  duty  ; 
and  after  I  had  prayed  with  them,  there  was  great  peace  that 
overspread  my  soul.    I  lived  fearing  and  doubting  until  the 
next  Thursday.     And  then,  I  visited  my  brethren  where  we 
had  a  prayer  meeting — and  then  I  strove  to  tell  them  what 
the  [jord  had  done  for  my  soul.     So  1  lived  along  from  one 
worship  to  another,  and  the  old  saints  were  the  instruments  in 
the  hands  of  God,  in  keeping  me  from  falling  a  prey  to  the 
eni.my  of  my  soul,  and  the  alluring  charms  of  this  vain  world. 
The  hearing  of  the  old  pilgrims*  songs,  and  their  sweet  ad- 
monitions, attended  to  buoy  me  up,  and  keep  me  from  stumb- 
ling into  the  ditch  of  despair ;  for  it  stimulated  me  to  move 
forward.    And  had  it  not  been  for  them,  I  think  I  should 
have  relapsed  back  again,  and  sunk  down  into  the  cradle  of 
carnal  security — for  it  was  a  common  saying,  that  after  a  soul 
was  once  converted,  there  was  no  more  danger,  although  the 
word  of  God  tdught  me  different  as  well  as  the  Spirit.    But 
weak  and  feeble  minds  like  mine  are  apt  to  be  led  astray. 
But  1  praise  God  for  the  pious  instructers,  that  pointed  out 
the  way  and  bade  me  persevere.     Had  they  taueht  me  dif- 
ferent, no  doubt  that  I  should  have  been  like  Mother  Eve, 
who  was  so  much  deceived  by  the  subtle  foe — as  you  know 
that  after  God  had  told  her  not  to  eat  of  the  fruit  of  the  gar- 
den which  grew  upon  a  certain  tree,  because  it  would  be 
death.     But  Satan  told  her  it  would  not  be — ^but  otherwise. 
And  so  he  tells  thousands  ;  and  it  is  to  be  feared,  that  too 
many  give  way  to  his  flattering  charms,  and  ruiu  their  own 

souls.  ...,      .iikf-,.^    ..-^n-i.y'.y,'  ■  A/-f''<.:it'^i 

But,  friends,  let  them  say  what  they  will  about  the  Meth- 
odists, I  bless  God  that  I  ever  knew  them— for  they  taught 
me  to  believe  in  a  present  and  full  salvation,  in  order  to 
obtain  a  crown  of  everlasting  life.  In  June,  1823, 1  join- 
ed the  society,  and  by  this  people,  and  the  doctrines  that 


'.  A- 


4  • 


'I 
if 


i 


*-y 


♦'  1 


'HI 


/^ 


4' 


^. 


8ft 


f  ' 


f 

\  "■■ 

* 

< 

K 

r « 

i    ■ 

<  >•■ 
f 


they  preached,  I  found  it  to  be  the  power  of  God  unto 
salvation  to  my  poor  soul.  When  I  joined  the  Methodists, 
the  preacher  told  me  I  must  count  the  cost ;  that  1  must  ex- 
pect a  great  many  falsehoods  to  be  told  about  me.  I  found 
It  even  so.  The  wicked  began  to  accuse  me  of  things  I  had 
done  which  I  never  even  thought  of.  I  tried  by  the  aid  of 
Heaven  to  keep  a  conscience  void  of  offence  before  God  and 
for  I  knew  that  I  had  peace  with  him.    It  is  said  that 


man 

"  He  who  will  live  godly  in  Christ  Jesus  shall  suffer  perse- 
cution.'* If  they  called  the  Master  of  the  house  Beelzebub, 
how  much  more  will  they  of  his  household  !  So  I  resolved  by 
the  grace  of  God  to  persevere,  and  give  up  all  and  take  up 
the  cross  and  follow  Christ  through  evil  report  as  well  ai 
good — :for  they  that  followed  Jesus  should  not  walk  in  dark- 
ness, but  have  the  light  of  life. 

In  July,  myself  and  three  other  candidates  were  baptized 
by  immersion  by  Elder  Joel  Winch,  Salem,  Con.  Truly 
the  ordinance  was  blessed  to  me ;  it  was  a  heaven  below ; 
a  paradise  indeed  to  my  soul.  I  had  such  love,  joy,  and 
peace,  that  I  thought  I  never  should  doubt  again — but  I  was 
mistaken ;  for  it  was  not  long  before  I  doubted. 

About  August  I  went  to  camp  meeting,  hoping  and  pray- 
ing that  God  would  meet  me  there.  I  enjoyed  myself  well 
at  the  6rst  of  the  meeting  but  God  had  greater  joy  laid  up 
for  me.  I  tried  in  my  weak  way  to  exhort  sinners,  and  to 
be  faithful  to  seek  the  salvation  of  their  souls. 

One  day  upon  the  camp  ground,  there  was  light  from  heav- 
en shone  into  my  soul,  above  the  brightness  of  the  sun.  I 
lost  sight  of  all  earthly  things — heaven  was  opened  to  my 
view,  and  the  glory  of  the  upper  world  beamed  upon  my  soul. 
My  body  of  clay  was  all  that  hindered  my  flying  up  to  meet 
Jesus  in  the  air.  How  long  I  remained  in  this  happy  frame 
of  mind,  I  know  not.  But  when  I  came  to  my  recollection, 
my  Christian  friends  were  around  me,  singing  the  sweet  songs 
of  heaven  ;  and  I  thought  I  was  in  the  suburbs  of  glory.  And 
when  I  saw  tliem,  they  looked  like  angels,  for  they  were 
praising  God.  I  felt  the  love  of  Gcd  like  a  river  flowing  into 
my  soul.  From  that  time  until  the  close  of  the  meeting,  I 
was  happy.  I  now  returned  home  rejoicing  in  God  my 
Saviour,  and  thought  1  never  should  be  troubled  with  doubts 
and  fears — but  I  was  mistaken  as  before.  The  enemy  of  my 


^ 


88 

soul  tempted  me  and  I  again  gave  way,  and  like  Sampson  I 
lost  all  my  strength,  and  1  doubted  of  Goid's  power  to  save  me. 

There  was  much  said  about  sanctification,  amonouir  Meth- 
odist brethren — they  said  it  was  possible  for  God  t?cleanse  us 
from  all  sin,  and  urged  the  members  of  our  church  to  seek  it 
and  not  to  rest  short  of  it, — while  others  opposed  it,  and  said 
it  was  impossible  to  live  without  sin  in  tins  life,  and  to  be 
cleansed  from  all  unrighteousiiess,  boldly  denying  the  power 
and  efficacy  of  his  blood.  1  was  weak  and  unbelieving,  and 
finally  doubted  it  myself,  although  1  read  it  was  the  will  of 
God,  even  our  sanctification — and  if  we  confess  our  sins,  he 
is  faithful  and  just  to  forgive  our  sins,  and  the  blood  of  Jesus 
cleanses  us  from  all  unrighteousness.  1  asked  the  Lord,  in 
humble  prayer,  if  this  was  attainable,  and  to  show  me  what 
I  was  by  nature,  and  what  I  ought  to  be  by  grace — for  I  was 
sure  that  I  wanted  as  much  grace  as  any  body  in  the  world, 
to  get  through  it. 

I  prayed  daily  for  the  Lord  to  enlighten  me,  and  teach 
me  the  way ;  for  I  wished  to  lay  a  sure  foundation  for  the 
time  to  come.  I  continued  my  petilion  about  one  month  ; 
the  Lord  heard  and  answered  my  prayer,  and  opened  my 
eyes,  and  I  saw  if  I  was  not  fully  saved  from  sin,  and  made 
holy,  I  could  never  enter  the  kingdom  of  God,  for  God  was 
holy,  and  heaven  was  a  holy  place,  and  without  holiness,  no 
man  should  see  the  Lord.  .. ,  ,;,t 

From  that  time,  I  read  my  Bible  more  diligently,  and 
sought  the  Lord,  by  fasting  and  prayer,  with  a  full  determi- 
nation not  to  stop,  short  of  full  redemption  in  the  blood  of 
Christ.  I  went  to  a  quarterly  meeting  in  Groton,  Conn. ; 
the.e  God  manifested  himself  to  me  in  such  a  powerful  man- 
ner, that  I  fell  prostrate  upon  the  floor,  insensible  to  all  be- 
low ;  the  last  time  I  fell,  [  felt  the  blood  of  Jesus  go  through 
every  avenue  of  the  soul  and  body,  cleansing  me  from  the 
filthiness  of  the  flesh  and  spirit.  The  Spirit  /bade  me  arise 
and  tell  what  God  had  done  for  my  soul ;  but  I  was  again 
disobedient.  After  that,  I  was  almost  in  despair,  through  ^ 
unbelief.  I  struggled  in  darkness  for  some  time  ;  at  last,  a 
divine  ray  of  light  broke  into  my  soul.  I  then  promised  the 
Lord,  if  he  would  give  me  the  evidence  of  full  redemption 
in  my  heart,  that  I  would  proclaim  it  to  all  the  world,  come 
what  would,      ",>  >  u  ^  <  . 


'^' 


J 


'•■  i 


\  • 


.•\ 


"'A 


:». 


■TT 


v> 


\l 


hi 


I 


1  attended  a  camp  meeting,  at  Wilbraham,  Mass.  The 
power  of  the  Lord  was  manifested  in  a  wonderful  manner, 
and  there^was  a  general  cry  among  believers,  for  full  re- 
demption m  the  blood  of  Jesus ;  and  I  felt  the  cry  in  my 
own  heart.  I  prayed,  and  cried,  and  struggled,  and  altnost 
despaired  of  obtainmg  my  object.  But  before  the  meeting 
closed,  God  in  Christ  showed  himself  mighty  to  save,  ana 
strong  to  deliver.  I  felt  the  mighty  power  of  God  again,  like 
electric  fire,  go  through  every  part  of  me,  cleansing  ma 
throughout,  soul,  flesh  and  spirit.  I  felt  now  that  I  was  puri- 
fied, sanctified  and  justified.  I  had  no  fears.  I  could  now 
shout  victory  through  the  blood  ot  the  Lamb.  The  words 
of  the  poet  would  best  express  my  feelings  :  '       ' 

"  That  lacred  awe— that  durst  not  move,       "  '  ;      '       '   ^ 
All  the  silent  heaven  of  love." 

From  that  time  until  now,  I  have  never  doubted  the  power 
of  God,  to  save  all,  who  by  faith  would  come  unto  him ; 
that  is  about  seventeen  years  ago ;  and  I  find  him  still  the 
same  rnchangable,  blessed  Saviour.  His  mercy  always  full 
and  boundless  as  the  ocean.  I  find  it  as  good  to  my  soul 
now,  as  it  was  then ;  yea,  1  can  say  that  it  grows  brighter 
and  brighter,  and  do  expect  it  will,  even  to  the  perfect  day, 
if  I  am  faithful.  Then  through  the  merits  of  Jesus,  I  ex- 
pect to  hear  the  welcome  sound,  "  Come,  ye  blessed  of  my 
Father,  inherit  the  kingdom  prepared  for  you  from  the  foun- 
dation of  the  world  ;*'  where  all  tears  shall  be  wiped  away 
from  our  eyes,  and  there,  with  the  happy  throng,  shout  and 
sing  our  sufiferings  around  the  throne  of  God.  Then  I  shall 
behold  that  great  and  innumerable  company,  "  that  came 
out  of  great  tribulation,  and  washed  their  robes,  and  made 
them  white  in  the  blood  of  the  Lamb,"  and  have  overcome, 
through  the  word  of  his  testimony.  There  we  shall  be  at 
rest,  and  the  wicked  shall  cease  irom  troubling  us.  Glory 
fills  my  soul  while  I  meditate  upon  the  moment,  when, 
^^through  grace,  I  shall  unite  with  them  there. 

I  have  now  given  you  a  sketch  of  the  dealings  of  God  with 
one  of  his  most  unworthy  creatures.  I  am  a  spared  monument 
of  his  mercy ;  and  through  his  rich  grace,  I  hope  to  stand  fast, 
untiihe  takes  me  from  time,  to  enter  into  his  heavenly  kingdom. 
May  this  be  the  happy  lot  of  us  all,  is  the  prayer  of  your  un- 
worthy writer.  MARY  APESS. 


■  i 


v>^ 


I,"    ' 


re- 


(■  ■■' 


.'f  • 


HAKITAH  CALEB* 

BY  rnt  MISSIONARY. 


I  was  born  in  Groton,  Conn.  My  mother  died  when 
I  was  about  six  years  old.  Her  dying  request  was,  that  1 
might  be  placed  among  educated  people,  who  would  teach 
me  to  read  God's  holy  word.  Accordmgly  they  placed  me 
in  a  white  family,  to  be  brought  up.  The  gentleman's  name, 
with  whom  I  was  placed  was  Mr.  James  Avery,  where  I  con- 
tinued twelve  yeai'S.  They  were  pious  people,  and  by  them 
I  was  instructed  in  the  paths  of  virtue.  But  how  much  1 
have  to  regret  that  I  did  not  take  heed  to  my  ways,  and  in 
the  days  of  my  youth,  seek  the  salvation  of  my  soul — ^then 
should  I  have  been  prepared  to  meet  those  troubles  and  trials 
which  are  incident  to  human  life.  But  oh  !  how  dark  and 
dreary  is  the  world  without  the  sun  !  so  is  the  way  of  sjnners 
without  the  Sun  of  righteousness,  to  cheer  and  light  up  their 
dark  and  gloomy  paths,  through  this  wilderness  world.  But 
let  us  return — at  the  age  of  nineteen  years  I  was  married, 
and  had  ultimately  five  children.  My  husband  was  a  soldier 
in  the  French  army,  and  died  in  Canada — and  with  this  trial, 
I  met  with  many  more — the  loss  of  all  my  dear  children.— 
And  when  the  bosom  friend,  the  darling  of  my  earthly  career 
was  gone,  with  whom  I  should  no  more  associate  in  time,  it 
was  almost  too  much  for  me  to  bear :  but  oh  !  when  I  turned 
to  look  for  my  children,  at  the  seats  and  the  table  that  they 
once  surrounded,  and  at  their  pillows,  which  I  had  watched 
over,  with  all  the  affection  of  a  fond  mother,  and  often  press- 
ed them  to  my  breast,  while  tears  fell  like  rain  from  th^ir 
sparkling  eyes  upon  my  bosom,  and  had  strove  to  hush  them  ! 
But  behold  they  were  no  more ;  but  all  of  them  locked  up  in 


it 


f 


h 


1 1  ii 


'iStl'i'  '-jf. 


^i:^ 


: 


36 


'  .* 


1 


the  cold  cAVftrns  of  the  etrth  ;  ond  I  their  faces  no  more  to 
behold  in  time— they  were  fled  to  the  world  of  spirits,  to 
Him  who  had  created  them. 

Thus  my  huihand  wu  gone — the  darling  of  my  heart— 
with  my  babes,  the  sweet  objects  of  my  care  :  thus,  being 
stripped  of  my  earthly  glory,  I  wa:  left  naked  and  wounded. 
I  now  became  alarmed  about  my  future  welfare — for  the 
Lord  was  at  this  time  pleased  to  discover  to  me  the  lost  con- 
dition of  my  poor  soul.  My  conviction  of  sin  was  severe, 
but  notwithstanding  this,  I  was  indiflferent— not  knowing  how 
to  help  myself;  but  the  anguish  of  my  soul  which  I 
felt,  no  tongue  can  tell — for  it  was  keen  and  pungent ;  and 
withnl  I  felt  a  great  enmity  to  the  Christian  religion,  often 
wishing,  in  the  depravity  of  my  heart,  I  had  been  left  like 
the  rest  of  my  kindred,  ignorant  and  unknown.  This  may 
be  surprising  to  some,  but  I  can  assure  you  there  was  a 
cause  for  it.  1  saw  such  a  great  inconsistency  in  their 
precepts  and  exomples,  that  I  could  not  believe  them.  They 
openly  professed  to  love  one  another,  as  Christians,  and  ev- 
ery people  of  all  nations  whom  God  hath  made — and  yet 
they  would  backbite  each  other,  and  auarrel  with  one  an- 
other, and  would  not  so  much  as  eat  ana  drink  together,  nor 
v'orship  God  together.  And  not  only  so,  the  poor  Indians, 
the  poor  Indians,  the  people  to  whom  I  was  wedded  by  the 
common  ties  of  nature,  were  S3t  at  nought  by  those  profes- 
sors of  grace,  merely  because  we  were  Indians — and  1  had  to 
bear  a  part  with  them,  being  of  the  same  coin ;  when  in  fact, 
with  the  same  abilities,  with  a  white  skin,  I  should  have  been 
looked  upon  with  honor  and  respect. 

But  it  is  a  fact  that  whites,  with  the  same  principle,  would 
turn  against  their  own  kin,  if  the  providence  of  God  should 
happen  to  change  the  shades  ri  their  complexion,  although 
the  same  flesh  and  feelinp.  fiow  must  I  teel  possessing  the 
the  same  powers  of  mind,  with  the  same  flesh  and  blood, 
and  all  we  differed,  was  merely  in  looks  ?  or  how  would  you 
feel?  Judge  ye.  Though  you  never  have  been  thrust  out 
of  society,  and  set  at  nought,  and  placed  beyond  the  notice 
of  all  as  we  have  been — and  I  pray  God  you  never  may  be. 

These  pictures  of  distress  and  shame  were  enough  to 
make  me  cry  out,  O  horrid  inconsistency — who  would  be  a 


87 


Christian  ?  But  I  remark  here,  that  I  did  net  understand  frail 
nature  as  I  ought.  And  I  would  remark  here,  that  these  feel- 
ings were  more  peculiar  70  years  ago,  than  now — what  their 
feelings  would  be  now,  if  the  Indians  owned  as  much  land  as 
they  then  did,  I  cannot  say.  I  leave  the  man  of  candor  to 
judge. 

But  we  observe  further — the  Lord  was  pleased  in  great 

mercy  to  continue  the  work  of  Krace  upon  my  heart — so  I 

made  bold  to  inquire  by  going  from  one  Christian  friend  to 

another,  askingquestions  about  the  way,  and  what  I  roust  do 

to  be  saved.    They  said  that  I  must  pray,  and  look  to  the 

Lord  as  my  Saviour  and  friend.    They  told  me  that  Jesus 

Christ  died  for  sinners,  even  such  as  I,  who  was  the  chief  of 

sinners.    This  encouraged  me  to  pray,  but  I  could  6nd  no 

comfort  in  so  doing.    I  continued  almost  a  year  between 

hope  and  despair,  wretched  and  miserable  ;  without  God  and 

without  hope  in  the  world.      The  grand  enemy  of  all  good, 

strove  to  decoy  my  mind  away  from  my  desired  object,  and 

had  well  nigh  effected  his  scheme,  for  he  suggested  to  me 

that  there  was  no  mercy  for  such  sinners  as  I  was.     I  used  to 

roam  whole  days  in  ray  native  forest,  weeping  and  wailing 

on  account  of  my  sins,  seeking  the  Saviour  of  sinners — 

friendless,  as  I  thought,  unpitied  and  unknown.      As  I  was 

walking  by  the  side  of  a  laree  pond,  the  enemy  whispered 

to  me  to  throw  myself  in,  and  there  end  my  days  of  sorrow 

and  eviction.     I  was  quick  to  obey      I  got  upon  a  log  for 

that  purpose  ;  but  a  voice  seemed  to  say  to  me,  "  Hannah, 

my  mercy  is  as  free  for  thee  as  this  water,  and  boundless  as 

the  ocean."     The  tempter  fled  ;  m^  mind  was  calm,  and  I 

returned  home,  thinking  that  my  distress  would  return  no 

more ;  but  in  this  I  was  disappointed.     Soon  all  my  doubts 

returned,  and  I  could  say  with  Job,  "Thou  hast  shaken  me 

to  pieces ;  all  my  bones  are  out  of  joint."     I  was  very  weak, 

,  eatmg  but  just  enough  to  keep  soul  and  body  united  ;  often 

sleepmg  on  the  cold  ground,  and  freouently  not  closing  my 

eyes  for  nights  together,     nowever,  1  sometimes  took  great 

comfort  in  visiting  the  dear  children  of  God^  some  of  whom 

I  went  many  miles  to  see,  and  hear  them  converse  and  pray 

,  for  me.     They  pitied  me,  and  strove  to  comfort  me,  but  all 


,■'*•■. ;if    <! 


y 


■•*■ 


't 


in  vain. 


fi^/jT-kij^' ,»^%ifit|  l:J'itKJ,cn!l  ^r?»7'i9f'(|;; 


hnr 


i 


"'W^v 


^w^" 

/ 


88 


i 


! 


I 


1 


'  t  ^ent  out  one  evening,  thinking  thdt  I  should  not  return 
any  more,  to  see  my  kindred  in  the  flesh,  or  the  morning 
dR>^n ;  and  there  I  prostrated  niysetf  bdfore  God,  and  lified 
up  my  haiids  to  he^ve  and,  in  'the  language  of  parting 
friends,  I  bbde  farewellto  the  mckm,  to  the  stars,  and  all 
creation  :  this  earthly  vision  no  more  to  behold  in  time. 
But  withal,  I  prayed  that  if  it  was  God*s  will  I  might  live  a 
while  longer,  for  1  was  not  ready  <o  die,  and  see  (hose  prty- 
iiig  people,  and  heair  one  more  prayer  for  my  perishing  soul, 
that  1  might  be  saved  from  hell,  and  everlasting  destruction 
from  the  presence  of  God,  and  the  glory  of  his  power;  for 
surely  1  thouaht  it  would  be  the  place  of  my  abode  A)rever. 
But  the  Lora  hear>  my  prayer  and  spired  me  ;  and  when 
the  morning  b^^med  forth,  and  nTiy  eyes  ciaught  her  rising,  I 
exclaimed,  O  that  I  might  hear  one  more  "prayer  for  my  p6or 
soul.  But  it  was  suggested  to  me,  that  Christians  could  not 
hjlp  me.  I  then  ti^  »ed  from  the  world  and  the  prayers  of 
the  saints,  and  went  into  the  wilderness  and  sat  myself  down, 
and  I  had  an  impression  that  I  must  sing.  I  thought,  how 
could  I  sing  of  redeeming  grace  and  dying  love  ?  O,  the 
answer  was,  "Sing,  for  his  mercy  endureth  forever."  I 
must  praise  God  for  that ;  but  where  to  be^n,  I  knew  riot, 
but  thought  I  would  try.  So  1  began  this  Way  :  "  Glory  to 
God  the  Father,  glory  to  God  the  Son,  glbry  to  God  the 
Holy  Ghost,  glory  to  Gfod  alone."  After  '  md  done  sing- 
ing, I  had  a  desire  to  pray;  but  thought,  what  shall  I  say? 
O,  I  am  a  poor  sinner.  Lord  have  mercy  upon  me,  a  poor 
binner.  As  I  said  so,  glory  seemed  to  break  in  upon  my 
soul,  and  I  was  dissolved  into  the  love  of  God,  apparently, 
soul,  body  and  spirit.  The  heavens  seemed  to  descend, 
and  with  them  an  inn;:tnfii^ble  Company  of  angels,  aud  the 
spirits  of  the  just  made  perfect.  They  sf  ^med  to  thrOng 
me  ;  I  was  overcome  with  the  vision.  My  whole  sou!  was 
lost  in  wonder,  love  and^  pVaise  to' God.  I  was  enabled  to 
join  the  heavenly  cpnipdny,  and  king  the  wonders  or  redeem- 
ing grace,  and  dying  love.  My  siri^  Were  all  gone  ;  I  felt  no 
longer  their  burden  ;  I  was  transported,  as  it  wfere,  to  the  third 
heaven.  This  was  about  nine  o'clock  in  the  morning.  Thus 
you  see,  my  fif^hds,  th^it  I  was  all '  night  in  prayer  to  God  ; 
and  as  I  observed,  the  Lord  pitied  me,  and  washed  away  all 


■■'■^^r 


'^.^^^ 


s 


3a 

my  sins.  1  then  returned  to  my  Christiao  frieqds;  wltl)  the; 
lightness  of  an  angel,  \^ith  my  heart  tuned  to  sing  the  praise 
of  God  and  the  Lamb,  with  them,  who  had  strug^IedjSO  hr  .d . 
at  the  throne  of  grace  for  me.  And  1  began  to  pMblish  to 
them  what  the  Lord  had  done  for  niy  soul,  and  warning  sin- 
ners, wherever  I  went^  to  flee,  from  the  wrath  to  come. 

Surely,  )  rauld  say,  "  CNd  things  a^e  passed  &way,  and 
behold  aji  things  ar^  becoine  new."  I  could  say  there  was/ 
no  more  enmity  in  my  heart ;  that  I  loved  whitQ  people  as, 
well  as  my  own.  I  wonder  if  all  white  Christians  love  poor 
Indians  ?  if  they  did,  they  would  never  hurt  them  any  more. 
And  certainly,  if  they  felt  as  I  did,  they  would  not.  For  I 
rould  say  as  John  said,  <'  He  that  is  born  of  God,  has  the 
witness  in  himself." 

Thus  I  went  on  from  day  to  day,  in  the  service  of  my 
God,  praising  him  all  the  while,  and  no  cloud  to  darken  my 
sky.  O  how  happy,  happy,  was  my  soul ;  continually  full 
of  glory,  glory. 

Here  the  publisher  would  take  the  liberty  of  making  a 
few  remaiks.  Not  being  personally  acquainted  with  sister 
Caleb,  1  am  not  able  to  give  her  age,  and  date  of  her  con- 
version, precisely.  But  being  furnished  by  a  young  lady  of 
respectability  and  piety,  with  a  copy,  I  have  therefore,  no 
doubt  of  its  authenticity.  But  nearly  all  my  relations^  and 
a  part  of  my  family  were  acquainted  with  her  personally. 
And  here  1  would  say  a  few  things  which  you  may  place 
confidence  in,  respecting  her.  This  dear  child  of  the  forest 
was  translated  into  the  kingdom  of  God,  as  near  as  we  can 
learn,  at  the  age  of  forty  years  ;  and  as  far  as  we  can  learn, 
she  lived  faithful  through  life.  Sister  Caleb  wis  remarkable 
for  her  liberality,  so  that  she  not  only  had  the  precept,  but 
the  example.  She  knew  no  sect  but  that  of  Christians ; 
for  she  would  go  into  all  houses  of  worship,  and  exhort  sin- 
ners ;  and  eat  and  drink  at  the  Lord's  table  wherever  it  was 
spread,  to  show' forth  his  death  till  he  come;  though  sh** 
joined  the  Free-Will  Baptists,  to  be  'jnder  their  watch-care. 

Sister  Caleb  was  also  noted  by  all  sects,  to  be  an  example 
of  piety  ;  to  all  the  world  she  was  useful  in  tempera!  mat- 
ters, such  as  teaching  the  young  children  of  her  tribe  to  read, 
vbile  at  other  times  she  would  instruct  them  and  others,  by 


40 


r. 


8i.-.v 


f»     -i- 


...       ■  .       ,         .  .       ;    ,  ■  ;       .  ..1  ......    T  ,. 

frecept  and  example,  in  the  way  to  heaven  and  happiness, 
can  tell  the  friends,  she  lived  in  the  faith  of  the  gospel ; 
and  thus  lived  and  died  our  good  sister,  in  the  Lord,  after 
nearly  half  a  century  from  her  conversion.  She  fell  asleep 
in  the  arms  of  Jesus,  and  went  down  to  the  graVe  with  a 
joyful  hope  ;  big  with  immortality,  of  a  glorious  resurrec- 
tion in  Christ  at  the  last  trump ;  while  her  soul  was  wafted 
upon  the  wings  of  angels  to  the  spirit  land,  to  d'vell  around 
the  throne  of  God  forever  and  ever.  There  tier  trials  are 
at  an  end,  there  she  dwells  in  seas  of  rest :  while  before 
her,  waves  of  glory  roll,  and  shouts  of  glory  echo  from  the 
throne.   ,   ,■   r-,  ■,"■'"  S   ''■""/    m". ',••    '  .,'    W   A 

"■■■  ".Ibvfiud  :n  ??^'^R^iv.- 

1.'  :.-).^!'.;  ;;i'J   h';  .;/■(,!.  ..>i  vnh  >;k)-0  ii«   Iciwr  1   *i>i^f'; 
..Si,  -  iir;';  o!  "hj.th  •;(!   hai.:  .'^'i.l//  tjt'i  H.j-'ini  \>n)>i\:'m  \hoH. 
•',il  v'i:;i;...!  ..)o   •  [no,'. '{i:'.  ^.WH   ,'/fj<ni:.l  //;;;;;:»!  win!  M*     '  •.•/<"  • 

.rJCii;-  .V'li'b  '; 


,*  ,')!'/  ij  ai!:;:u,:".i;  i;H!;!i->«i!)<|   ;^<ri 


:i;      h): 


.>.ru^tii>:  )> 


■•>i    ','i! 


4 


1  '     .     .  . ' 


■  ••>  V'd  !;->  •!]!?■>  i-ifff  ,'i;,;n  -i-nl   ovii?.  ol  oM;    lofi  o^,,;  f  ■.ibtc'.* 

■:>\\   'iiii        .•/li:..!'n>'i.ti-;;  Ki]  'W)  jJdtv!; 

I  .  .   ri!    .;  u.'M  tin  .lj"js.).'to  f;itM>T;»^;>i  -nil  olcl   \'')h^>uii-A    'i^/f 

\y.'  ;'.•:  i(u-'   folfffH  'jif-  t^r;}.^  fin   vv.<;;'    CMici"     3!t|;urxM  sil; 
nr  It  'o/'j;'    ;?A  o'JfJt  r.'t>ji'^  -^dl'tr  ){?!!;;;  i.HC  ti;jiih«H  .;  ?-ft*ii 


"    ^> 


% 


ppiness," 
gospel ; 
rd,  after 
I  asleep 

with  a 
ssurrec- 
i  wafted 

around 
rials  are 
I  before 
om  the 

•  '.'-■<< 'b  'i 

•  Mi'v;  •/(••>! 

I  ■  .':M!:    } 

•ly-fy.JHr.Ol 

'*'    Jvlih*!; 

.'hI  i..i-A 

,    ■'     'i'/f 

■i  'ft  ofl^ 


•yi    ilAHlif.v   Jm\/|    •  c'.'iiKt,;  ,;i?l;j(*y.;/,i  ..,,vj.";>l  Of  1  'ill'    ■    .,■    ••   ;      * 
liiiu  ;:(?i'^;)!f"//  ,11..:  .  .    1' 

;   '    J         SAi;.LT   GEORGE. 

t   .^f;!    ;/^!^  ^^::;,jilU}    .   ^Y  THE   MISSIONARY.  ■    T 


^'  •  ■  ,'  ■'lit  ■■   ,1  '  f 
'.  ';..'     i    ■    ..I  ,• 


I  was  born  in  Groton,  Conn-  1779,  and  was  brought  up 
without  any  education,  as  to  understanding  the  letter  in  any 
way  whatever.  And  although  there  were  many  around  us 
who  were  veiry  zealous  that  we  should  have  instruction,  and 
be  brought  up  well,  yet  but  little  was  done  towards  it ;  I  be- 
ing left  in  general  to  wander  to  and  fro,  up  and  down  the 
forest,  with  my  native  kin.  But  surely  I  have  many  things 
to  praise  God  for.  Although  I  had  not  those  inestimable 
privileges  that  some  had  and  do  have,  yet  I  can  say  that  I 
had  some  that  n9any  do  not  have,  in  time  ;  there  are  many 
of  my  brethren  who  do  not,  ihat  are  in  the  wide  and  western 
world.  For  they  do  not  enjoy  any  instruction  whatever. — 
While  poor  me,  although  ignorant  and  unknown,  yet  I  had 
some  precious  privileges ;  such  as  hearing  God's  holy  word, 
and  having  good  advice  from  those  who  were  mothers  in 
Israel.  And,  taught  by  the  Spirit,  they  would  beseech  of 
me  to  be  reconciled  to  God,  and  they  were  those  of  my  own 
kin  :  and  often  they  would  do  it  with  streaming  eyes  and 
r  /if''  '  earts.  Sorpetimes  I  would  take  a  degree  of  interest 
Mi  >  :i  rther  im^s  would  be  qMite  indifferent  about  it ;  ant^ 
at  uti  ^'  ime»  my  young  mates  would  lead  me  astray  with 
their  rudvuess,  being  only  about  twelve  or  thirteen  years  old. 

I  continued  in  this  way  for  some  time,  between  hope  and 
despair ;  but  they  cQptipued  to  call  after  me,  and  the  Holy 
Spirit  seconded  their  ejd^rts  constantly,  and  often  it  was  so 
powerful  that  my  little  heart  would  melt  down  into  tender- 
ness, an4  what  to  do  with  myself  I  knew  not.  I  felt  at 
itm^s  mdaiiQhoK  and  4ejeQted ;  but  notwithstanding  this,  I 

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was  encouraged  by  many,  to  seek  the  salvation  of  my  soul. 
But  it  was  hard  to  leave  my  young  mates  ;  yet  without  re- 
ligion 1  knew  that  I  must  be  miserable  and  wretched  forever. 
But  what  to  do  I  did  not  know,  and  how  to  pray  I  knew 
not.  1  wandered  up  and  down  in  the  forest,  weeping  and 
mourning  on  the  account  of  my  sins,  not  knowing  that!  ever 
should  enjoy  happiness  either  in  4ime  or  eternity.  The 
enemy  now  would  take  the  advantage  of  my  youthful  mind, 
and  suggest  to  me  that  there  was  no  happiness  for  me,  I 
must  spend  all  the  rest  of  my  days  in  sorrow.  The  enemy 
of  my  soul  followed  hard  after  mc,  and  withal  tempted  me 
to  destroy  myself. 

I  had  become  now  a  wanderer  alone,  as  it  were,  in  my 
native  woods ;  and  one  day  as  I  was  passing  by  a  large  deep 
b'Dok,  the  ppemy  of  my  soul  tempted  me  to  destroy  myself 
in  that  plac  ,  k.  isting  myself  in.  But  I  strove  to  raise 
my  little  hean  \j!od,  that  he  would  have  mercy  upon  my 
soul  and  save  me.  While  thus  exercised  in  prayer  to  God, 
for  his  kind  protection,  I  fell  to  the  earth  as  one  dead,  under 
the  power  of  God.  And  while  in  this  situation,  I  saw  the 
pit  of  destruction  opened  for  poor  sinners  ;  it  was  no  imag- 
ination either,  it  was  a  solemn  reality,  it  was  plain  before 
My  soul  was  in  sore  distress,  and  I  expected  nothing 


me. 


but  hell  for  my  portion  forever.      I  lay  in  this  situation  for 
some  time  as  helpless  as  an  infant,  begging  for  the  mercy  of 
God,  promising  to  him  that  I  would  be  faithful  to  serve  him 
all  the  days  of  my  life.      The  Lord  heard  my  prayer,  and 
sent  down  his  melting  grace  into  my  soul ;  and  before  I  arose 
from  the  ground  I  was  translated  into  the  kingdom  of  God's 
dear  Son  ;  for  when  I  came  to  myself,  I  was  praising  God  : 
there  was  a  change  in  every  thing  around  me,  the  glory  of 
the  Lord  shone  around,  all  creation  praised  God ;  my  bur- 
den and  my  fears  were  gone,  the  tempter  h^  ried,  and  I 
was  clothed,  and  in  my  right  mind,  sitting  at  the  feet  of  Jesus. 
I  now  returned  home  to  my  friends,  and  began  to  exhort 
my  young  mates  to  repentance,  and  to  tell  all  that  came  in 
ray  way,  what  the  Lord  had  done  for  my  soul.     I  then  went 
to  the  church  and  told  it  there,  and  the  dear  children  of  God 
received  me.      I  then  with  a  servant  of  God  went  down  to 
the  banks  of  the  river,  and  was  buried  with  Christ  by  im- 


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43 


ny  soul, 
lout  re- 
forever. 
I  knew 
ing  and 
aiK  ever 

bl  mind, 
>r  me,  1 

e  enemy 
pted  me 

J,  in  my 
rg«  deep 
y  myself 
to  raise 
upon  my 
•  to  God, 
td,  under 
'.  saw  the 
no  imag- 
lin  before 
I  nothing 
ation  for 
ercy  of 
him 
yer,  and 
e  I  arose 
f  God's 
ng  God  : 
glory  of 
my  bur- 
,  and  I 
f  Jesus, 
exhort 
I  came  in 
ken  went 
of  God 
Idown  to 
by  im- 


rve 


mersion  beneath  tbe  great  water ;  and  when  I  came  up  out 
of  the  water,  the  glory  of  God  descended  and  lighted  upon 
my  soul ;  and  so  I  could  rejoice  continually,  and  say  the  one 
half  was  never  told  me  about  this  Jesus,  whom  many  de- 
ride .     "  Behold  ye  despisers,  wonder  and  perish  ;  J  work 
a  work  in  your  day,  ye  shall  in  no  wise  believe,  though  a 
man  declare  it  unto  you.**     And  although  i  could  not  read, 
the  Spirit  of  the  Lord  was  with  me,  to  instruct  me  in  the 
way  of  holiness,  and  upon  my  heart  was  printed  the  image 
of  my  Saviour,  by  the  washing  of  regeneration,  and  renew- 
ing 0(  the  Holy  Ghost.     My  soul  was  batlied  in  the  love  of 
God,  it  was  glory,  and  I  was  lost  in  wonder,  love  and  praise. 
I  forgot  all  things  here  below,  and  rode  in  the  chariot  of  his 
love  daily.     Bless  the  Lord,  O  my  soul,  and  all  my  powers, 
soul  and  body,  praise  him,  for  glory  is  his  due  forever  and 
ever.     Amen — so  let  it  be. 

I  would  remark  here,  that  this  female  was  an  aunt  on  my 
father's  side,  and  we  had  personal  acquaintance  with  each 
other.  She  belonged  to  the  same  church  that  sister  Caleb 
did,  and  they  were  well  acquainted  with  each  other.  She 
was  a  member  of  the  church  about  thirty  years,  and  for  the 
most  of  the  time,  as  far  as  I  can  learn,  she  lived  in  the  life 
and  power  of  religion.  I  have  attended  a  great  many  meet- 
ings with  sister  George,  and  1  do  not  recollect  that  she  ever 
had  a  barren  season  to  her  soul.  She  often  meted  out  to 
my  soul  the  sincere  milk  of  the  word,  which  gave  me  strength 
in  the  Lord  to  persevere.  The  liord  of  a  truth  was  with 
her.  She  was  always  diligent  to  seek  Jesus  in  the  way. 
The  fences,  the  groves,  the  forest,  all  will  witness  the  fact. 

Her  organic  power  of  communication  when  tuned  with 
lieavenly  zeal,  and  burnt  with  heavenly  love,  was  delightful, 
charming  and  eloquent.  I  never  knew  her  to  speak,  unless 
the  congregation  was  watered  by  an  overwhelming  flood  of 
tears.  She  feared  not  to  v^arn  sinners  to  repentance  while 
she  lived.  She  was  no  sectarian  ;  she  would  go  among  all 
orders  of  Christians  and  worship  God  with  them,  and  was 
entirely  free  so  to  do.  And  I  believe  that  she  felt  as  much 
for  her  white  neighbors  as  for  her  owvi  kindred  in  the  flesh. 

She  was  counted  almost  a  preacher  ;  her  language  was 
free,  lively  and  animating.      She  was  also  very  industrious 


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and  active ;  her  limbs  would  play  as  lively  over  the  ground 
as  a  deer.  I  have  set  out  to  walk  with  her  twenty  miles 
to  a  meeting,  several  times  in  my  life,  and  generally,  I  had 
to  keep  upon  the  slow  pace  to  keep  up  with  her.  In  three 
hours  and  a  half  from  the  time  we  started,  we  were  there. 
She  was  also  skilled  in  doctering  the  sick,  and  was  useful 
wherever  she  went ;  and  in  this  way  procured  for  herself  a 
very  great  share  of  Christian  and  friendly  patronage  amone 
all  who  knew  her.  And  while  visiting  the  sick,  she  would 
often  pour  into  their  ear  the  balm  of  consolation,  and  refer 
them  to  the  blessed  Jesus,  who  could  heal  both  soul  and 
body.  Where  she  met  with  the  sin-sick  soul,  she  would 
pour  into  their  ears  the  oil  of  joy^  and  point  them  to  Jesus, 
who  taketh  away  the  sin  of  the  world ;  the  only  sovereign 
remedy  for  sin^^ick  sinners.  Our  sister  was  noted  generally 
by  all,  for  her  piety,  through  life. 

At  tlie  close  of  her  life,  there  was  a  remarkable  circum- 
stance  which  took  place,  that  is  respecting  a  visit  which  she 
desired  to  make  to  a  neighboring  village,  about  eight  miles 
off.  But  I  would  remark,  that  previous  to  this,  she  was 
much  debilitated  in  body,  which  was  caused  by  a  lingering 
disease,  supposed  to  be  somewhat  dropsical  and  consump- 
tive, and  did  not  at  times  keep  about,  but  was  confined  to 
her  bed.  She  lived  a  widow,  and  withal  very  comfortable, 
and  used  to  entertain  all  her  brethren  that  came  to  her. 
There  were  some  of  her  brethren  whom  she  desir^  to  see, 
and  said  the  Lord  would  give  her  strength  to  perform  the 
journey  ;  and  so  she  arose,  as  it  were,  from  a  sick  bed,  and 
through  the  strength  of  the  Lord  she  was  enabled  to  go ; 
and  while  there,  she  enjoyed  some  Christian  conversation ; 
had  a  few  good  meetings,  and  bade  her  brethren  farewell,  to 
meet  no  more  in  time ;  and  returned  home  to  die.  She  was 
DOW  composed,  and  ready — ^and  in  two  weeks  afterwards,  she 
fell  asleep  in  the  arms  of  Jesus,  without  a  struggle  qr  ^ 
groan,  May  6, 1826,  aged  forty-five  years.       >    ;h*««rsi  .4»> 

At  the  last,  the  fear  of  death  was  taken  awayi  and  her 
dying  bed  was  glorious  and  interesting.  Her  friends  were 
many,  both  natives  and  whites.  The  whites  paid  to  her  fCr 
mains  the  last  tribute  of  respect,  which  is  due  to  Chrstians, 
and  united  in  shedding  the  tears  of  sympfithy.        W.  A,,  y- 


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ft': ^'Vji^'.ijll  *;,    ;       .4  .      ^:.     ,  , 

ti^tJip^'r  ANNE    WAMPY. 


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BY  THE  MISSIONARY. 


mi. 


!!.<.   J', 


".;i|ilinij|fj  il;rfiriiy?«t*.  gff  /J  ...1  ,.j;  ,;,! ': 

In  the  year  1831,1  visited  the  Pequot  Indians,  a  small 
remnant  left  from  the  massacre  of  the  whites,  who  are  now 
lingering  in  a  miserable  condition  upon  the  banks  of  the 
River  Thames ;  apparently  unpitied  and  unknown.  But 
being  ao  Indian,  and  somewhat  connected  with  the  tribe,  1 
took  pleasure  in  offering  to  them  the  word  of  life,  and  to  , 
warn  them  to  flee  from  the  wrath  to  come.  '  It  cannot  be 
wondered  at,  that  it  excited  attention  among  old  and  young. 
The  attention  of  an  old  veteran  of  the  woods  was  called  up, 
who  had  before  despised  all  that  was  said  to  her  upon  the 
subject  of  salvation,  and  would  use  very  bad  language  in  her 
way,  being  not  able  to  speak  plain  English.  However,  the 
Lord  reached  her  heart,  and  many  others,  and  there  was  a 
work  of  God  among  them.  Sister  Anne  was  brought  to 
bow  and  humble  herself  at  the  feet  of  Jesus,  after  she  had 
experienced  the  holy  religion  of  Jesus.  She  then  was  free 
to  tell  the  exercises  of  her  mind,  and  not  till  then.  We 
will  give  it  to  you  in  her  own  language  ;  it  is  broken,  but 
you  can  understand  it.    She  began  thus  : 

'*  When  Christian  come  talk  with  me,  me  no  like  *em ; 
me  no  want  to  see  'em ;  me  love  nobody  ;  I  want  no  religion..; 
But  sister  Amy  no  let  me  alone ;  she  talk  a  great  deal  about 
Jesus.    Sister  Apess  too,  come  talk  pray  for  me.    I  be  afraid 
1  should  see  'em,  and  me  no  want  to  hear  'em  ;  bynie  by ; 
me  come  trouble  very  much,  me  very  much  troubled.      Me  r 
nd^like  Christians,  me  hate  'era  ;  hate  every  body.     Byrne, 
by  me  very  much'  troubled,  me  get  sick,  me  afraid  I  die  ; 
.    ?;  *■*?.   .*- 


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46 


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me  go  pray,  go  off  all  alooe  in  the  woods ;  me  afraid  I  go  to 
hell,  mo  pray.  Byrne  by  Jesus  come  take  me  by  the  hand, 
lead  me  a  great  way  off;  show  me  one  place  look  like  hell; 
me  come  close  to  it  so  me  feel  it,  me  fraid  1  fall  in,  me  cry 
to  Jesus  to  have  mercy  on  poor  me.  He  take  me  by  the 
hand  again  and  lead  me  back  :  show  me  one  great  mountain 
all  full  of  crevices ;  he  say  I  must  make  that  all  smooth  be- 
fore 1  come  again.  I  say  hard  work  ;  I  afraid  I  go  to  hell  at 
last.  1  pray  I  look  to  Jesus.  Byme  by  me  give  up,  then 
me  feel  light,  like  one  feather ;  me  want  to  die,  me  want  to 
fly — me  want  to  go  home ;  me  love  every  body,  me  want  to 
drink  no  more  rum.     1  wa<:t  this  good  religion  all  the  time." 

She  now  began  to  exhort  sinners.  "  I  wish  I  could  talk 
like  white  folks,  me  would  tell  every  body  how  I  love  Jesus.'' 
Then  she  said  to  the  young  people,  "don't  do  like  Ldone, 
me  old'  sinner,  great  many  years  me  sin,  do  wickedly. 
Come,  love  Jesus ;  I  want  every  body  to  come  love  Jesus. 
O*  how  I  love  Jesus ;  me  want  every  body  to  pray  for  me, 
so  I  get  to  heaven,  where  Jesus  is."  She  looked  upon  me 
just  as  I  waS'  about  to  leave  her,  and  with  streaming  eyes 
said,  "  pray  for  me  that  I  go  to  heaven."  And  while  1  was 
thus  beholding  her  face,  and  viewing  the  tears  streaming 
down  her  furrowed  cheeks,  it  did  me  good :  for  I  beheld 
glory  beaming  in  her  countenance,  which  bespoke  the  ex- 
pression of  the  inward  man. 

Our  sister  was  born  in  Groton,  Conn.  A.  D.  1760i;  lived 
in  sin  rising  70  years,  brought  up  in  ignorance  and  pi'odigali- 
ty  till  old  age,  and  then  snatched,  as  a  brand  (fom  the  burn- 
ing, and  translated  into  the  glorious  light  of  the  gospel,  and 
made  an  heir  of  all  things.  How  gooid  and  kind  is  God  to 
all  men ;  notwithstanding  they  live  long  in  sb,  and  rebel 
against  him,  yet  he  is  willing  to  have  mercy  upon  all  that 
will  come  unto  him,  let  them  be  ever  so  great  and  unprofit- 
able sinners. 

Should  this  happen  to  fall  into  the  bands  of  any  old  tranSf 
gressor,  that  has  not  become  wise  above  what  is  written,  I 
hope  they  will  remember  that  they  will  want  Master  Jesus 
as  well  as  sister  VVampy.  Though  many,  no  doubt,  will 
even  ridicule  the  idea  of  doing  as  this  poor  pagan,  but  Uk 
order  for  any  sinner,  rich  or  poor,  to  enter  the  kingdom 


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47 


of  heaveoi  they  must  first  be  purified  in  order  to  enter  into 
80  pure  a  place  as  heaven  ;  and  this  is  reasonable  doctrine. 
Depend  upon  it,  sinner^,  it  was  the  intent  of  Christ's  sufi^er- 
ings ;  and  the  end  of  his  sufierings  can  be  answered  in  no 
other  way  than  upon  the  conditions  of  your  repentance,  and 
a  reform  of  your  wicked  ways.      Lord  help  you.      Amen. 

WILLIAM  APESS. 


i  trans* 
itten,  I 

Jesus 
}t,  will 

but  ia 
ngdom 


f 


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t|i*» 


AN  INDIAN'S  THOUGHT.  ". 

He  would  ask  the  white  Christian  thus :  how  can  you  let 
your  light  shine  among  Indians,  unless  you  do  it  by  exam- 
ple? Proof  of  the  Saviour's  light.  Wot  by  precept  only, 
that  he  loved  the  world,  but  by  example.  Such  as  doing  all 
manner  of  cures,  by  working  miracles,  to  the  astonishment 
of  all  the  world  ;  and  to  test  his  love  for  them,  he  laid  down 
his  life  for  them,  even  while  they  were  enemies.  Now  if 
we  have  his  spirit,  as  we  profess  to  have,  we  shall  most  cer- 
tainly want  the  indigent  of  all  classes,  made  comfortable. 
And  who  that  understands  the  history  of  the  world,  does 
not  know  that  i^orance  is  the  cause  of  the  major  part  of 
the  vices  that  exist  in  the  world.  Now,  does  not  the  white 
man  know  that  it  is  his  duty  to  educate  the  Indians,  to  help 
them  build  bouses  of  worship,  and  such  like,  in  order  to 
raise  them  up  and  make  them  comfortabfe  as  yourselves  ? 
and  do  you  not  know  it  was  the  intent  of  Christ's  dying,  to 
make  you  and  them  equal  with  himself  in  holiness  and  peace  ? 
Now  this  is  just  the  way  you  ought  to  feel  towards  all  the  race 
of  mankind.  And  you  can  never  make  ignorant  people 
know  that  you  love  them,  unless  you  do  something  for  them. 
And  be  it  known  to  all  men,  that  your  light  can  never  shine 
unless  you  do  it  by  works  of  righteousness.  Judge  ye,  whst 
thst  is.        ,     .        ^ 

WILLIAM  APESS. 
.^*   ■  -    " 
'...♦^ 


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